Fools: The Rewrite
by heidipoo
Summary: Two best friends madly in love and the idea of a fling seems like a good one until Brian is caught between two worlds; his world, and the world his parents wanted for him. It is a particular agony to be a victim of unrequited love, and Brock knows that agony all too well. After moving to LA, will Brian be able to fix his mess?
1. Trying Hard Not to Fall

**Author's Note: Wow, it's 2020 and this story is like five years old... But I love it so much that I want to rewrite it and make it better/longer. I will be taking suggestions for things you guys might want me to add, just PM me or send me an ask on tumblr. Anyway, I should be going into labor within the next week or so and I will be taking time off from work for maternity leave. I hope to update and write as much as I can, but please understand that I will be busy. Thanks for reading, and let's go on this journey of angst and heartbreak once more. (:  
**

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Terroriser couldn't sleep. He was too excited, too wound up, too ready to get the hell out of this tiny apartment he'd been living in for god knows how long. There was no space, nowhere for his things, and he needed to get the hell away from his parents before they drove him mad. He was mostly packed already, aside from his gaming set up at the desk, everything else was already stashed away in boxes, suitcases, and other miscellaneous bags. The plane tickets were kept in a safe place, they were practically burning a hole in the Irishman's desk, the date on them coming closer and closer with each moment that passed. Time seemed to be moving in slow motion, and he was antsy to leave. His flight was scheduled in three days, and Brian was so excited to be finally moving, despite all the packing, the expense, and all the hassle, it was well worth it. More than well worth it if he were being honest with himself.

Brian was an opportunist, and LA called his name, of all the times he had visited there, he knew he belonged. His youtube career could flourish, he'd be open to all kinds of other ample career benefits, and he'd be much closer to a lot of his friends whom he played games with. And none of them knew Brian was moving just yet; he had kept it a secret for a very long time, and he was planning on telling them tomorrow. It was sure to be one hell of a surprise. Of course, they all didn't live in LA, but flying to LA would be a lot easier than flying to Ireland. It was just another city, not another country... And his friends were in LA all the time anyway, for gaming conventions, and other youtube related things. It would be much easier for everyone, Brian knew deep down he would be happier there. He could make his dreams come true.

It was already late, and the Irishman knew he needed to rest soon. He had a lot of last minute things to finish up tomorrow, before he was all ready for the move, so with those final thoughts in his head, he rolled over in his tiny bed, and closed his eyes, hoping sleep would overtake his body any minute now. But his thoughts proved otherwise. He couldn't help but to think of the conversation he'd had with his parents, informing them of his leaving.

_"Going to america? Are you crazy?" _

_"I know what's best for me dad, not you."_

_"Right, of course you do." _

He remembered the eye roll from his father, the scared look in his mother's eyes from him being on his own. They weren't happy to say the least. Of course, they'd always tried to be supportive of Brian, but they were old fashioned. They didn't understand his love of youtube, gaming, and _other things_, especially not his dad. And his mom always followed in his footsteps; Brian was sure it had always been that way and it always would be... But still, they were his parents after all and he loved them nonetheless. With another sigh, he tried to clear his head again. He needed to go to bed.

Morning came quickly, sunlight shining through the frothy curtains of the small apartment, and Brian found that he had overslept. Figures, since he didn't go to bed when he was supposed to. Curse his damned racing mind; he made a mental note to definitely get some melatonin for sleep aid. Checking his iphone, he saw had a few missed texts and calls from the guys, letting him know that he was already late for today's recording session. He sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and quickly rose, getting a slight head rush in the process. "Fuck..." He muttered, stumbling around and looking for a shirt to throw on. His apartment was messy, and he wasn't sure if the shirt he did throw on was dirty or clean. Oh well.

Once he was decent, he made his way to the desk, turning his computer and everything else needed on. If he remembered correctly, the guys had said something about playing garry's mod today. He had hoped it was prop hunt, they always got great footage when they played that particular game together. "Well, well, well, look who decided to finally fucking join us," Nogla's voice immediately reached Brian as he sat down and put on his headset, joining the skype call with the majority of the guys in it. "Good afternoon sleeping beauty." He joked with a chuckle afterwards.

Brian sighed, it was way too early to be dealing with Daithi's shit. But the Irishman just laughed in return as well, "Fuck off, I overslept."

"Excuses excuses." Evan added in between mashing buttons on his keyboard.

"What are we playing?" Brian inquired as he started up his game. His computer booted right up and he was ready to dive in to playing whatever game his idiot friends were engaged in. "Something good?" He adjusted his headset so that it was comfortable on his ears.

"Prop hunt." Moo answered. They had already been playing for about an hour now, so Brian was able to join the game already in process.

He decided he wouldn't give them the good news right away, they'd play for a while, and then he would finally tell them. He wished he was able to see the look on their faces when he revealed the big surprise. Previously, it was Mini Ladd who had managed to talk Brian into finally moving. He'd explained the whole process of getting a visa and all of the other stuff he had to take care of. It's not like he wasn't giving it a good amount of thought already, it's just that Mini was the icing on the cake. And he finally took the plunge and went for it, finding another apartment, this one slightly bigger than the one he already lived in, and set a moving date. That was about a month ago, and the date was already here, already so close. It was about damned time - the Terroriser was going to Los Angeles.

After playing for a little while, Marcel picked up on it, "You're being really quiet, Brian."

"Am I?" Brian inquired, not really taking any notice. Maybe his mind was a bit preoccupied though with the whole ordeal; he sure couldn't tell. However, this was as probably a good time if any to tell his friends about moving. He was bubbling with excitement, anticipating their reactions. He knew they would be happy for him.

"Is something wrong?" Brock asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

"No, no, nothing's wrong." He quickly reassured. "I've actually got a bit of good news to tell you all." He said, not wanting to keep prolonging it, it was better to get it out and into the open. So all the guys egged him on, wanting to know just exactly what his good news was. Of course some obnoxious jokes were made before Brian could actually tell them, but eventually, he was able to spit it out. "It's finally official, I'm coming to america, for good." He let the sentence exit his lips in a bout of joy, and he felt a smile forming soon after. It felt great to get it off his chest, after all, keeping it a secret had been hell.

It was silent for a moment, the guys continuing their game of prop hunt, in which Brian was doing pretty terrible at, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. But Delirious was the first to break the quiet. "Really?" It was all he could get out.

"Yes." The Irishman confirmed.

"Well, it's honestly about damn time." Evan commented with a slight laugh.

"When?" Nogla asked.

"In a few days!" Brian answered excitedly. "I kept it a secret because I wanted to surprise you guys." Instead of being an ocean away, he would only be a few hours away, and that mere thought alone made him so fucking excited he honestly didn't know what to do. In just a few short days, he would be at his new apartment in LA, unpacking and getting all settled in. He had more space, he would be in LA, he was ready to live it up! And a party was definitely a must have; he wanted all his friends to be able to check out his new place as soon as he got everything unpacked and what not. Of course, there was a small part of him that was sure he would miss Ireland and his mother and his father, but he could always go home if he was feeling particularly homesick. But, he was sure that feeling like that wouldn't be a problem. He was ready to be out on his own.

"Dude that's awesome," Marcel added.

"Yeah," Moo said. "Really awesome." He couldn't hide the smile in his voice about his best friend only being hours away. They continued discussing the other details and miscellaneous important things as they continued their game of gmod, Brian dying more than he needed to, but he didn't care. Footage was still footage... He was way too happy to let the guys' jokes and insults get to him today anyway; it was as though nothing could bring him down.

They played for a few more hours, getting enough footage for each of them to make a video, before deciding to call it a day. One by one, each of them got off skype and exited the game. Brian had some more planning to do if he was being honest with himself, but as soon as he was off skype, his phone began to ring. Brock was calling him. He answered it with a small smile before speaking, "I had a feeling you'd be calling me Moo Moo." He said. Their phone calls had been somewhat of a little routine between them lately, even if it was just to chat for a few minutes.

"Oh really?" Brock inquired with a small laugh. "So you're psychic now too?" Again, he was grinning as he spoke.

"Yes, that was the other good news." Brian chuckled. "What's up?" He asked, getting up from the desk. He and Brock's relationship was a very strange thing, but it seemed to work for them. They were closer than most, that was for sure, and the two kind of clung to each other. Vanoss had Delirious, Mini had Wildcat, and Nogla had Lui, so by default, they were sort of stuck together. Not that it was a bad thing, Brock adored Brian, and he was almost certain that the younger man felt the same way, but to make a long story short, they were best friends. And over time they had grown closer and closer to each other. There was a connection that just wasn't there with their other friends. They talked more frequently, visited each other more frequently, played together more frequently. Honestly, the two were each other's rock, and both of them were thankful for that. It was nice to have some sort of support system.

Brock sighed, "Well, since you're moving I was going to ask you if you needed help with anything." After all, he wanted to help his best friend to make this move as easy and smooth as possible. "Offer my amazing muscles and upper body strength, you know? You've been looking kind of scrawny these days on instagram." He joked with a small chuckle.

"Nice to know you've been checking up on my social media... And I've been busy! I don't have time to go to the gym right now." He exclaimed with some laughter as well.

Brock sighed, "I love giving you a hard time... But seriously, do you need anything?" He asked again.

"You're too nice." Terroriser replied in a heartbeat. "But I think I've got everything locked down." He only had a few minor errands to take care of.

"You're inviting me to your new place first, right?"

"Of course." The younger man laughed. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

Brock smiled as he clutched the phone to his ear, talking to Brian always made him feel warm, safe... He wasn't really sure how to explain it. All he knew was that he definitely felt something there. "At least you'll be closer, that's so awesome..." He trailed off. He was already thinking of all their visits and trips. Albeit, Utah was a little ways away from LA, but Moo didn't care. He and Brian would literally be a state away from each other, and that was close enough for him. It was so much better than him being in a different country, all the way across the ocean; the excitement was real. "I can't wait." He managed to get out once more. Hell, just thinking of all the things they'd be able to do together, how often they'd be able to hang out made Brock's heartbeat falter if only slightly. And there was that warmth again.

Brian grinned, "It really is going to be great."

"Yeah."

They talked for a few more minutes until Terroriser realized how late it was in the day already. There were a couple places he needed to go before they closed. "I hate to cut you short Brocky, but there's some other things I've got to take care of." He was already grabbing his jacket and shoes. "I'll talk to you later, yeah? We can play something, I don't know." That would give him something to look forward to.

"Yeah, okay." The older man nodded, "I'll call you later." He said before bidding the younger man farewell and hanging up the phone. A sigh escaped his lips, and he knew he was in very big trouble. He was head over heels in love with Brian, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. This visit would surely be the death of him.

* * *

**Author's Note: To be continued...?**


	2. There's Still Too Long to Wait

The next few days seemed to drag on if Terroriser were being honest with himself. He was anxious to leave, anxious to get away from his parents... Anxious to see Moo; although he definitely wouldn't admit it to himself. So he spent most of his time editing, getting videos ready so that he wasn't distracted by work during his move, he would already be stressed enough, he didn't want to worry about posting content on youtube as well. He wanted all of his focus to be on settling in his new place. And when the Irishman wasn't working, he spent the rest of the time trying to avoid his mom and dad. They were still trying to convince him not to leave, but Brian knew that there was no way in hell he was backing out now. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, his last night in Ireland arrived.

It was late again, Brian's flight leaving in the early morning, and yet he was so excited he couldn't sleep. It wasn't the fact that he'd be flying, hell, he'd flown multiple times before, airplanes didn't phase him. It was the fact that his life would be different in this new setting, in this new apartment that he was moving into. And the thought of that made him giddy; his life would just be different. Things would be easier, he'd get more done, and because of these facts, anticipation brewed in his belly of what was to come. In the morning, he'd be boarding the flight to LA, ready to fully embrace the lifestyle. Of course, maybe he was overthinking things just a bit, but he didn't care, he was excited.

The tiny bed seemed to grow even tinier as he laid restlessly, tossing and turning as the hours of the night grew later and later. Minutes finally turned into hours, then it was becoming early morning, and he knew that sleep wasn't going to come anytime soon as much as he would have liked it to. Brian was too wound up, too anxious. And he knew he needed something to do to keep him busy. So, he grabbed his phone from the charger, and decided to send a text to Brock to see what the older man was up to. _You awake? _He inquired and laid his phone back down. He had noticed as of lately, that his relationship with Moo had grown quite significantly. The Irishman had definitely picked up on them talking and spending more and more time together... Not that that was a problem, after all, he was thankful to have someone like Brock in his life. The older man brought him joy.

A few minutes later, his phone began to ring and he answered it immediately. He didn't even have to look at the caller ID on the screen to know that it was Moo, his best friend. "Hello?" Brian's voice was low from not speaking for so long and trying to go to bed.

"Hey."

"Hey." Terroriser couldn't help the grin that spread.

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping right now?" He could hear the smile clearly etched in Brock's tone, and that thought made his heart clench for some unknown reason. Moo was happy to talk to him. There was something about the older man's voice, something about the warming comforting aspect of it all that he just couldn't shake, and it made goosebumps run up and down his pale flesh. Brock was extraordinary, too sweet for his own good - Brian had always thought that about him.

A chuckle escaped his Irish lips and he sighed, "I can't. I'm too wound up." He answered, "Plus, I can always sleep on my flight."

"So you call to pester me? Great." Moo joked.

"Only you'll put up with my bullshit, Brocky."

"I guess so." The older man laughed, switching the phone to his other ear. Late night phone calls like this were definitely not a new aspect for them. In fact, they talked on the phone most when it was late. And Brock loved it; there was something about the night that made things more intimate, more private, and Brian's sleepy voice mixed with his accent drove him absolutely wild. It was just another thing he loved about the man. He didn't know why he liked to tease himself with it though, knowing he would never be able to call the man his. Unrequited love was a game that he didn't like to play, and it was that, or being stuck in the friend zone for eternity. "You're not _all_ that bad though." He added with a grin, and he knew for a fact that Brian was smiling on the other end of the line.

"Coming from you, I don't really believe it, but alright." Brian cheekily replied. "Are you busy?" He quickly added.

"No, why?" Brock questioned.

"Do you want to play something? Keep me occupied for a while?" The Irishman asked.

"Sure." The older man said, and that was all it took for them to hang up the phone and get their gaming stuff all set up for a much needed late night session. And they weren't making a video, weren't going to get any of the other guys involved... It was just going to be those two, playing a game, for recreational purposes and to keep each other entertained. The two liked playing alone, there was just something special about it. And they did this often, as with many other aspects of their relationship. Again, it was different, with it just being the two of them. Most of the time, they didn't even talk, they just played together and listened to each other's breaths over the headset, finding comfort in just knowing someone else was there. Moments later, they were reconnected in a skype call. "What are we playing?" Moo inquired, letting the younger man decided the game of his choice for that night.

"I know we probably won't make it very far by ourselves," Brian started, then paused to laugh a bit.

"Speak for yourself, terrible Terroriser," Brock retorted, in a teasing manner.

"Hey!"

"I'm kidding, chill." The older man grinned. He often found himself picking on his friend and challenging his video game skills. He loved to watch the Irishman get all riled up about everything, Brock thought it was funny to piss him off. Funny... And cute if he were being totally honest.

"But we could try zombies?" He offered.

"Yeah, okay." Moo agreed and the two booted up their consoles and began their game with one another. Between witty banter, bad puns, and just curses of frustration between them, hours had passed of the two just playing with each other. Rounds and rounds of zombies had passed, and before either of them knew it, they had managed to sit up all night. The sun was freshly rising in the sky and Brian felt groggy. "Doesn't your flight leave in a little bit?" Brock finally pointed out after they had both died in their umpteenth game of zombies. Terroriser hadn't even been paying attention to the clock, he was having way too much of a good time with his best friend, so when he did finally glance at it once it was brought to attention, he was shocked. His flight left in little more than an hour's time. He most definitely needed to get to the airport and fast.

"Oh shit, yeah, I guess it does." He replied, grinning sheepishly. Excitement still ran through his veins, but it wasn't only from moving, it was from Brock as well now that they had spent all this time together. "I better get going then." Brian added as he turned his console off. The tiredness was beginning to dawn on him at the moment, and he knew right then and there that he would sleep well on the plane, on his long flight over to LA. "See you later?" He asked Moo.

"See you later." The older man confirmed.

"Okay."

"Have a safe flight, call me when you land, Bri." Brock said.

"I will," Brian replied, before the two bid their farewells and disconnected the skype call. It took the Irishman a few moments to snap out of his daze, but when he did he knew he needed to get a move on. A shower was needed, and that would help wake him up some so he could ride to the airport and actually board the plane. So, Brian did that first, and meanwhile, Moo Snuckel was heading to bed. He couldn't believe that his best friend had easily kept him up all night. That definitely wasn't like him. Moo liked having a routine and schedule, and now? Now he'd be sleeping all day. He sighed as he shut everything down and crawled into bed, early sunlight streaming through the frothy curtains of his bedroom. In just a few days he'd be _with _Brian, in real life, and he didn't know how he was going to manage it.

It had been forever since they'd seen each other, and his developing feelings had only gotten stronger. He wasn't sure when it had really started wither. All he knew was that one day he woke up and he knew that Brian made him feel things that no other person had before. It was strange to say the least. He never thought he'd be the type of person to fall in love with their best friend, but hell, at this point, anything was possible. But Brian was funny, and attractive, and there was just something about him that drew Brock in. They got along well, their conversation always flowed, and even if it didn't they were comfortable with the silence and the company of one another. It had to be meant to be, right?

It was a living hell, and Brock had kept these feelings bottled up inside him ever since they had first surfaced, because he knew that there was no way in hell that the Irishman could ever feel the same about him. Brian was charming, popular, they were just different people... But that didn't stop Moo from the feelings he had inside him. Had he thought about telling him before? Of course, but he never actually went through with it, instead, he'd go to Vanoss, his only friend that actually knew of his infatuation for Terroriser. But, he was thankful for the asian man; if Evan weren't there to listen to him rant, he was sure that he would go insane.

Brock had only slept for a few hours when his phone began to ring, interrupting his sleep and his never ending thoughts of Brian. He could feel himself jump from his nap, unsure of how long he'd actually been out. He picked up his iphone without looking at the screen, wondering just who it could be. "Hello?" His voice was groggy, and he kept his eyes closed because he knew if he didn't, the sunlight would kill him. It was unlike him to sleep during the day, and his curtains definitely weren't dark enough to handle it.

Evan's voice was on the other line, "Are you still sleeping? What the hell...?"

"No." Brock muttered.

"Brock," The asian pestered. "You were asleep, don't lie... Are you still recording with us today?" He inquired.

The older man rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn, he had forgotten all about recording with his other friends today. Damn him. Quickly, he made up an excuse to get Vanoss off his back. "I can't, I have to queue some videos and pack and stuff so I can go visit Brian. Sorry." Well, it wasn't a total lie, but it didn't exactly get him off the hook for missing the session either.

He could practically hear the smile in Evan's voice, "Ah, yes, Brian... And speaking of Brian, is our little Irish friend the reason you were up all night?" Sometimes, Brock regretted telling Vanoss about his feelings, but the teasing was all in good fun, so he didn't take it too hard to heart. In fact, every once in a while it was good for him if he was really being honest with himself, he knew he could take it.

"We played zombies." He answered simply.

"When are you going to _tell _him?" Evan questioned.

"Evan, we've been through this so many times already." Brock sighed. "I'm not going to tell him, I can't." He shook his head as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes some more. There was no way in hell he'd be able to go back to sleep now. Vanoss had long gone and woken him up, so he sat up in bed, stretching as he switched the phone to his other ear. "He doesn't like me like that." He continued as he got out of bed, ready to begin the late day. He hated to say it, but he was so sure, he could feel it in his guts.

"How do you know that?" Evan retorted.

"Because, I just know."

"Alright, suit yourself." Vanoss shrugged. "I'll talk to you later man, let me know if you need anything."

"See ya." Brock finished before hanging up. First thing's first, he needed to pack, and he had no idea about what he was about to bring with him to LA. With another sigh, Moo rubbed his eyes... It was going to be a long day.


	3. You're All I Think About

The suitcases were lined neatly against his bedroom wall, and all Brock could do was sigh as he paced the floor back and forth. He was way too nervous for his liking. Did he even need all this crap? Was he packing too much? Hell, he didn't even know how long he was staying with Brian. A week? Two? Would Brian think he was overstaying his welcome? He was overthinking this situation way too much. It was making his head hurt. And he couldn't even wrap his mind around the thought of he and Brian, alone, at the younger man's new apartment. It would be just the two of them... Alone... The thought was something that lingered, and he wondered maybe, just maybe if he and Terroriser were alone for long enough, he'd work up the courage to confess. _No you won't, _he mentally scolded himself. There was absolutely no way in hell. He was too awkward, too sure that the younger man wouldn't reciprocate his feelings. It was an emotion that he didn't like to have.

With another drawn out sigh, Brock pulled his phone out of his back pocket and dialed the only reasonable number he could muster in the moment - Evan's number. He was sure the asian man could offer some sort of guidance or advice even though he had just spoken to him earlier today. But Brock was desperate; he needed someone to tell him that all his thoughts were perfectly okay, and it just so happened that person was Evan. Their friendship was odd, but Vanoss was the only person that could ever talk any sense into Moo.

The phone rang a few times before the other gamer finally picked up. He was surprised to be hearing from the older man again. Maybe Brock needed new footage after all? "You change your mind about playing with us?" Evan's voice rang clear as Moo held the phone to his ear.

In an instant, his words were coming out in a quick jumbled mess. He couldn't speak clearly even if he wanted to; it was frustrating that his nerves were this bad. "I need you to tell me that everything's going to be okay." Brock gasped, damn near out of breath from his anxiety.

"Everything's going to be okay?" Evan hesitated, questioning in his tone. "Brock, what the hell's going on?" He demanded.

The older man had to take a shaky breath before he spoke, afraid his words would be clumsy again. "I have too many bags packed, I'm really nervous, and I don't think I'm going to be able to be alone with him." It all spilled out of his mouth way too quickly, heart hammering, and in retrospect, Brock realized that he probably sounded like a complete and utter joke, but he didn't care. It was bothering him and he needed to rant. "Maybe I should just stay home..." He mumbled, mostly to himself but he was sure that Evan was able to catch it. But he couldn't stay home, not when Brian was relying on him to come help him move in and hang out together. After all, he was his best friend. The older man stood there mentally arguing back and forth with himself, driving himself crazy. "Fuck... Evan, what do I do?" His voice was pleading.

The younger man's chuckles sufficed through the other line of the phone, "First of all, you need to calm down." His friend was definitely in a frenzy, and he knew that he could get a little over emotional during stressful times like these. "Take a deep breath dude." Vanoss instructed.

"Right," Brock sighed.

"Second, it's _just _Brian." Vanoss managed to get out. Goofy, unpredictable, and fun loving Brian. That man couldn't intimidate anyone even if he tried. "He's your best friend, you guys talk and stuff all the time." Their friendship was solid. "It's okay if you're a little nervous, you guys haven't seen each other in a long time." He continued to provide insight. "I'm sure he's just as nervous as you." He added. Evan was almost certain Terroriser had some sort of feelings for Brock, he was always charming, always flirty...

It was quiet for a moment before the older man spoke again, "That's exactly what I'm afraid of..."

"And third," Evan interrupted. "You really just need to tell him how you feel."

"Oh my god, Evan!" Brock nearly yelled. "I already told you earlier that I am _not. _I can't do that, it would ruin everything." The mere thought of him telling Brian that he... Loved him, or was in love with him made him want to throw up. It made an uneasy feeling surface in his gut, anxiety pool in his chest, and he knew that it wasn't going to be possible for him to do. Ever. And even if he did end up confessing to the younger man, who's to say that he would feel the same? He wasn't sure of the Irishman's feelings. Then it would be awkward, and then he'd never be able to look at Brian the same way ever again. All in all, it was a lose/lose situation, so he was better off keeping his mouth shut, strapping his feelings to a rocket and sending them on a one way trip to the moon, never to be seen again. Of course, he thought of all this stuff now, but Brock knew better, he knew that as soon as he saw Brian, all of this would be out the window. He didn't trust himself.

Vanoss sighed, "Why do you even ask for my advice then? You know what it's going to be every time." He joked.

"Gee, I don't know, maybe because I thought you were a good friend?" The older man replied sarcastically.

"I'm sorry Moo, but you're not going to feel any better until you just let him know how you feel." The asian finished. And ultimately, Brock knew he was right, and he never liked when Evan was right. The inner turmoil would never go away until he got all of his emotions off his chest and out into the air. But it was hard, he couldn't bring himself to do that, and he hated himself for it. He was the reason he was suffering in silence. He was his own worst enemy. "Are you sure you don't want to play with us? Take your mind off things for a while?" Evan offered when Brock hadn't responded.

"Huh?"

"Games?" Vanoss questioned again.

Brock sighed, "Yeah," He nodded. It'd be good to play some games for a while, forget about the upcoming trip if only for a few hours. He needed to relax and calm his nerves. "I'll take you up on that offer, talk to you in a bit." He said before hanging up the phone and slipping it in his back pocket. Ultimately, he decided on only two bags for his trip. That should be more than enough for what he would need for the visit with Brian, at least he hoped. So after packing was all taken care of, he headed to his office where he recorded and edited, and booted up his console to join Evan and a few of his other friends for a much needed gaming session. A few laughs would help him unwind, and take his mind off of the one thing it was centered on. He swore that Terroriser would be the death of him.

Brian's flight had been experiencing some turbulence, and that was what he hated most about flying. However, aside from that one negative, he had taken a relatively good nap, and the plane was almost near landing. It was a quick trip. From there, he would take a connecting flight and finally be in LA, and on his way to his new apartment. The giddiness had long gone and left him, and now, he was more restless than anything. He was tired of delaying the inevitable, and he really just wanted to be there now. The Irishman was also looking forward to seeing his best friend. Brock was flying in as soon as Brian landed in LA, which was a very comforting aspect. Even though LA wasn't too unfamiliar to him, Brian was sure that Brock would help with the incoming home sickness he was soon to experience. Plus, it had been too long since he'd seen the older man; it would be nice to reconnect with one another.

After all, it's not like he would be totally alone, what with Evan and a few of his other friends being there, but still, he knew that Evan and his other friends wouldn't be able to just hang out at his apartment all the time. And that brought another thought to his mind: how long would Brock be staying with him? They hadn't really hashed out terms when they planned this little trip. However, Brian didn't care, Brock could stay as long as he wanted to. After all, it had been a good while since they'd seen each other and got to spend time with each other. The Irishman sighed, he was more than ready for this, he just hoped that it wouldn't be too awkward.

The pilot had come across the intercom, saying the plane was about to land, and that pulled Brian out of his thoughts if only for a moment. He decided to text Brock and let him know that he was about to be on the connecting flight soon. _First flight's about to land, one more trip until LA!_ He typed out with a bunch of playful emojis. A small grin rested on his face as he sent the text to the older man. There was something about Brock that always brought a smile to Brian's face; the older man was something else, that was for damn sure. So funny and sweet and good natured.

A few moments later, as he was getting off the plane, his phone had buzzed in his pocket, signaling a text back from Moo. _Hope you had a good flight, can't wait to see you. (: _Brian rolled his eyes at the smiley face; that was typical Brock right there, he never used emojis in his text messages and the younger man always teased and made fun of him for it. That was one of many things he got picked on for, but it was all in good fun.

Terroriser then made up his mind to grab some food before boarding his next flight, because he was starving. He found his stomach rumbling as he was reading his texts. So he grabbed a quick burger and some fries, and soon after that, he was seated on the flight to LA, fully rested, and with an equally full belly. Now he just needed to find something to do for the next few hours so he wouldn't die of boredom. His fingers worked away on his phone, continuously texting Brock, not caring if he was bothering the older man or not.

_Brocky, I'm bored, entertain me. :( _He rolled his eyes at himself for that one, the frowny face was probably a bit too much. Oh well, he didn't care.

A few moments later his phone buzzed with Brock's response, _Hang on, I'll send you some of my fanfics. _Brian snorted with laughter at that one. The older man was funny, there was no doubting that. He was always able to make him laugh and feel good with a joke or two; especially if it was a pun. It was one of the many things that the Irishman appreciated about his best friend. A sense of humor went a long way.

"Brock, what the fuck!" It was Marcel's voice that brought Moo back to reality. "You let me go down!" Marcel's voice echoed in the headset and Brock had to blink a few times before he actually remembered what he was doing before he started on his trip to Brian Land. He was always getting distracted by him.

"I'm sorry!" The older man apologized quickly before putting his phone down.

"Is everything alright Brock?" Nogla inquired. "Ya do seem a bit preoccupied." It definitely wasn't like him to just zone out in the middle of a game, especially if that game was an intense one of zombies.

It was quiet for a moment before Brock decided to just tell his friends the truth. What was the point in lying about something like that anyway? "I was texting..." Moo explained, before a slow blush surfaced on his face, he did feel a little embarrassed. "It won't happen again." He said as their game of zombies restarted. But he couldn't help himself; talking to Brian was something he loved to do. He thought it would be a good idea if he included the Irishman. "If it makes you guys feel any better, it was just Brian." He laughed a bit, and so did the rest of the guys.

"That's even worse!" Marcel argued. "You let us die to talk to that fucker!" He was screaming and then let out a loud cackle. "Damn it Brian!"

"Is he in LA yet?" Evan asked.

"Almost," Brock answered. "He just got on his connecting flight. He'll be there soon. "

Nogla chuckled, "Even when he's not playing with us he still makes us die. He sucks." He managed to get out, and they all had to give a laugh at that. Terroriser got lots of crap from the other guys, it was just the way their friendship worked. "Tell him you're busy." He insisted as they began shooting the zombies once the the game finally started. Brock knew that he'd get to see the younger man soon enough, so for now, he focused on his computer screen, and tried to get lost in what he was doing at the moment. He'd get to see his best friend soon enough, and that mere thought both excited and terrified him. He was in big trouble, or at least, his heart definitely was.


	4. When You Look Like That

After a few short hours, Brian's flight had finally made its way to LA. It was a little bumpy, but other than that, quite relaxing. The plane landed and the Irishman couldn't wait to get up and stretch his legs. Excitement pulsed through his veins as he exited the plane with his carry on luggage, and maneuvered his way through the crowded airport. He was never a fan of crowds, or airports for that matter, but he traveled a lot so he was used to it. Once he was finally free from the swarm of people, he managed to get a cab just outside the airport, and was on his way to his new apartment, it wasn't far.

Inside the cab, Terroriser breathed a sigh of relief, just finally glad he had made it here. The trip was always long but the destination and what was to come was well worth it. As he sat there, his head throbbed if only slightly, but he had to guess it was because of flying, the altitude differences were always a pain. He made a mental note to grab some tylenol later. Pulling his phone out of his back pocket, he sent Brock a quick text to let the man know he had finally arrived. _Just got into LA, see you soon! _Immediately he got a response from the older man - a smiley face.

Brian had missed California dearly, and he had to admit, it felt good to be back. However, he definitely did not miss the awful city traffic. At this rate, it would take him ages to finally get to his apartment. Of course, now that he was here, he wasn't really in a rush, it was just a slight nuisance that he would have to wait even longer to get to his place. So, to kill some much needed time, he dabbled around on twitter for a bit, hoping it would keep him slightly occupied for the time being. He would be at his apartment soon, and he was glad.

Meanwhile, Brock was cooking dinner when his phone buzzed somewhere on the kitchen counter. He tended to the items on the stove before heading over to check it. He figured it would be Brian, because it seemed as of lately, that was the only person who was blowing up his phone, but he didn't mind at all. And his guess was right as he saw the Irishman's name at the top of the screen. He read the text and grinned if only for a second before thumbing back a quick reply. _Let me know if you need anything before I catch my flight later. _The older man wasn't messing around; when he told Brian he would be there as soon as he got into LA, he wasn't kidding. He had an overnight flight to catch, and that was the only thing keeping him and the other youtuber apart for the moment.

When Brian finally got to his apartment, he was relieved. Although, he didn't know what he was going to do in an empty apartment, because the rest of his stuff and his furniture wouldn't arrive for at least two more days. He had brought his laptop, some clothes, and a blow up bed so he wouldn't be stuck sleeping on the floor, but until Brock got here later that night, he wouldn't have much to do. However, he was content with just relishing in the happiness that came from the new apartment. It was small, but it wasn't as small as the other one he lived in. The living room and kitchen were a pretty good size, as well as a bathroom downstairs, and upstairs there were two bedrooms, and another bathroom as well. He had so much space, he didn't know what to do with it. But in all honesty, Brian would rather have too much space than a lack of space; he had too much stuff he had to find a place for.

And, he was finally away from his parents. He could finally live his life the way that he wanted to without his mom and dad always on his back, or pressuring him to live a different kind of life. The fact that that stress would no longer be bothering him lifted a certain weight off his shoulders. The only thing he had to worry about now was making a life for himself in LA, in his new home. He couldn't wait for the adventure to begin, and he couldn't wait to start it off with Brock, his best friend.

To occupy his time, Terroriser took to twitter to post that he had made it to LA safely so his friends, and his fans would know that he's okay. He got a few smartass replies from Nogla and Marcel, but nevertheless, he was still happy. Things would be different, yet the same too, and the Irishman couldn't anticipate all of the fun times and memories he was bound to create here.

Later that night, Brock had cleaned his home, showered, and prepared for his flight to LA. He and Brian had been texting on and off all day, Brian letting Brock know just how bored he was, which was pretty typical of him in a way. Double checking to make sure he had everything, Moo then headed to the airport with his carry on luggage and phone. A nervous excitement lingered in his belly, because he knew he'd be getting to see Brian soon. It wasn't a long ride to the airport, and he was there before he knew it. Once he was on the plane, he sent a text to Brian, letting him know that he'd see him soon. Time seemed to be going too slow for his liking.

Brock didn't particularly like flying, but he didn't hate it either. He just grew a bit restless sometimes during longer flights. Luckily for him though, this flight was only a few hours long, because he didn't live too far from LA. He played on his phone, listened to music, and texted Brian occasionally to keep him informed on his journey. The older man had to keep reminding himself that he would be reunited with the Irishman soon, and he'd be able to see him again after all the time they had spent apart. That was what he was looking forward to the most.

Brian was trying to make the empty apartment at least somewhat presentable for his oncoming company, however, there wasn't much he could do with merely a blow up bed and a laptop. But he made do with what he had, blew up the air bed in the living room, and waited pretty impatiently for his friend's flight. In the meantime, he had managed to order a few pizzas so he and Brock wouldn't go hungry through the night, and played on his phone. He had a bad habit of doing that when he was waiting for something or someone, however, it did help occupy the time, because he had soon received a text from Brock saying that his plane was about to land.

The Irishman had agreed to meet him at the airport, so he headed back into the LA traffic in a cab to get to there. He hoped he would arrive before Brock's plane had touched down, but by the looks of it, and by the looks of the traffic, he wouldn't get there as soon as he would have liked to. He sent Moo a quick text to let him know what was going on, _might not get there as soon as you land, the traffic is pretty bad, but I'll be there as soon as I can. _It was a simple explanation, and Brock was just getting off the plane when he felt his phone buzzing in his hand. He read through Brian's text quickly, and thumbed a short reply, _I'll be waiting. _And with that, he found a place to sit, and tried to collect himself and his thoughts before Brian arrived.

He was finally here in LA, and Brian would be here soon, and suddenly... Brock couldn't control the erratic beating of his heart, or his sweating palms. The nerves hit him like a ton of bricks, and he knew it was only because of his imminent feelings for the younger man. He knew he shouldn't be nervous, he knew it was _just_ Brian, but still... That man did something to Brock that no one else had ever done before. So, he took deep breaths and tried to remember Evan's words as he sat there in that busy airport, and he hoped and prayed that the anxiety would go away soon. He didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of the other man. Sure, he and Brian hadn't seen each other in a while, but they were best friends for god's sake, the connection would and always would be there. Wouldn't it?

When the cab pulled up in front of the airport, Brian hesitated before getting out. He didn't know why, but there was a weird feeling in his gut. Nervousness? Excitement? A mere combination of the two? He didn't know, so he pushed it away, and headed inside to see the man he'd been so anxiously waiting for. He couldn't wait to see his best friend. _I'm here, where are you? _He text, crystal blue eyes searching for the shorter man. He wished the airport wasn't so damn crowded. There were so many people!

Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his back pocket, and he pulled it out, knowing it was Brock. "Hello?" He answered.

"You're here?" Brock asked.

"Just walked through the doors, where are you?" The Irishman inquired still searching.

"I'm sitting by the airport cafeteria." Brock answered, and Brian immediately turned in that direction, eyes still scanning for the older man. "I'm wearing one of your shirts if that helps," He added with a small chuckle, and Brian could feel his heartbeat falter if only for a moment. And finally after looking around for a minute or two, he found him, and indeed, he was wearing one of Brian's shirts. Terroriser began maneuvering through the crowd of airport people to make his way to Brock. It seemed as though there were a million steps between he and his best friend, until finally, he was standing right in front of him, grin etched on his pretty face. It was almost as if time had stopped.

"Brocky!" The younger man had exclaimed, and Brock stood up, smiling as he pulled Brian in for a much needed hug. He had missed his clear blue eyes, his white crooked smile, and that damn hair that seemed to be sticking every which way. He looked a damn mess, but he was still adorable to Moo. He tightened his strong arms around the taller man, feeling him, inhaling him until his lungs were full, until he had had enough. "It's good to see you again," Brian said when they had separated from one another, missing the feeling of the warmth.

"Likewise," Brock retorted.

They began to walk, the older man dragging his luggage behind them. "Well, you look good." Brian interrupted the short silence that was carried between them as they walked. "How long has it been? Since we've last seen each other?" He continued to ask as they walked, looking over to the shorter man. But he already knew the answer to that question, too long, it had been too long since the last time they had seen each other, there was no hesitation with that.

Brock wracked his mind to make it look like he hadn't been counting the days since they'd separated, "Uh... Four months I think?" He answered with a raised eyebrow. "And you look good too." He tried to say without blushing, but failed miserably.

"I always look good, what are you talking about?" Brian joked as they finally made it outside and into the cab.

"I think your hair says otherwise." Brock laughed. "It's kind of a mess at the moment."

"You of all people should know that hair jokes are off limits with me." The younger man warned as the cab took off in the LA traffic.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Moo retorted. And just like that, the nerves were gone just as fast as they had come, and Brock felt natural. Evan had been right this whole time, it was just Brian, what did he ever have to worry about it the first place? They were going to have a good time together, feelings for each other, or no feelings for each other put aside in the process... Or at least that's what Brock had hoped for, but he wasn't sure that it was going to be that easy.


	5. We're Two Halves of One Heart

Moo had been to LA a few times before, but somehow, riding in the back of a cab with Brian felt oh so different. The Irishman was chatting away about how excited he was and everything he was going to do... Brock was trying to listen, but he couldn't take his focus off how pretty Terroriser looked as the sun came through the car window and sparkled on his skin. His eyes were bright and his smile was so contagious. Goddamn, he was beautiful - Moo had to focus on the moving of his lips to actually make out what the other man was saying during the ride. But soon, the apartments came into view and the two were exiting the vehicle and racing to the door like children.

The older man was more than ready for a tour and Terroriser was more than happy to give him one. They were loud, rambunctious, and so happy to finally be reunited. It didn't take any time at all for the two to get reacquainted with each other. Soon, they were sure to be inseparable; like a moth to a flame.

"So I got you something." Brian broke the small moment of silence between he and Brock.

"Yeah?" Brock inquired, looking over at the younger man. He still couldn't quite wrap his mind around the fact that he was actually here in LA with Brian. He felt out of it. It didn't feel real, but he knew each time that he looked over at the Irishman and saw that gorgeous, wonderful smile of his, it had to be real. His dreams never did his smile justice, it was the most immaculate in person. So he ignored the hammering of his heart, the churning in his gut, and accepted the fact that he was really here, spending time with the best friend he had grown to know and love for the umpteenth time since he'd arrived.

They sat in the empty apartment on the floor, chowing down on the pepperoni pizza that Brian had purchased earlier in the day as he prepared for the older man's arrival. The ride back to the apartment in the cab had consisted of small talk, banter, and just overall catching up to each other. It felt good to just be able to talk to one another in person again. Both of the men were relieved that they had seemed to be able to pick up right exactly where they had left off. It was not awkward, or confusing, everything was as it should be between them.

And then they arrived to the empty apartment, only the blow up bed and the miscellaneous luggage thrown about, and settled in to eat pizza and relax. No doubt both of them were really jet lagged from the day's events. Who wouldn't be? The only reason Brian was still awake was because he was able to take a much needed nap on the plane during his long first flight. But neither of them wanting to sleep right now. They were too excited to see each other; too excited to be reunited again. So the tiredness would ensue, until both of them were ready to submit to it... And by the looks of it, it would be a while before that even happened.

"I had to!" Terroriser insisted. "You hardly ever come to visit so I knew I had to get you a gift."

"I can't believe you." Moo grinned.

"It's not much." Brian quickly added with a small shrug, "But I think you'll like it." The Irishman concluded as he stood up from the floor and walked over to his suitcase that was pushed up against the wall. He dug through all the random items before he found what he was really looking for. "Here they are." He mumbled as he plucked the item from the bag and walked over to Brock's place on the floor. He sat down beside the older man on the carpeted floor, hiding the item behind his back.

"What is it?" Brock inquired.

"Close your eyes." Brian teased.

"Don't be an ass." He managed to smile as he found the younger man's eyes.

A laugh rang throughout the empty, echoing apartment air. "I'm serious Brocky, close your eyes." Brian deadpanned and Moo finally obliged. He held out his rather large hands and waited patiently for the younger man to give him his present or whatever the hell it was. When he finally felt something, some kind of plastic wrapping touching his calloused palms, he opened his eyes when the Irishman had told him to. His dark orbs landed on a small bag of Irish candies.

"Brian," The older man grinned.

"Something from home." The younger man smiled. "They're my favorite, and I thought you might like them too."

It meant a lot, and Moo could feel his face heating up. "Thanks." Brock replied, "And I got you a present too." He added with a sheepish sort of smile etched on his face. He didn't wait for Brian to reply, he merely stood up and headed over to his suitcase that was on the opposite wall. He hadn't anticipated gifts, but Brock had found this little present long ago, and had just been hoarding it up for the right moment. And he felt like this was it. He dug through the suitcase until he found it, and walked back over to Brian, reciprocated the younger man's actions. "Close your eyes, Brian." He managed to get out through a small bout of laughter.

Terroriser obliged, and his crystal blue eyes closed immediately. He held out his hands and waited for Brock to place the item in them. When he opened them, he felt his heart swell with a sort of emotion that he hadn't ever felt before. Well, he had only ever felt it before when he was with Brock, and he usually ignored it. It was a small Terminator figurine/action figure type thing, and he was incredibly happy to see it. "Thank you so much, Brock." The younger man had managed to get out as he looked over to him. He had the faintest of blushes on his face, and Brian couldn't help but to notice how flustered he looked. "I'll have to put it with the other stuff you got me when it gets here." Brian added.

"I found it awhile ago, and just never gave it to you." Brock shrugged. "But I'm glad you like it."

"Of course I like it." Brian grinned. "I love it." The rest of the night continued on with them finishing off the pizza. They caught up with each other some more, until they decided to play some games on Brian's lone laptop that he brought. He hadn't brought much, just because he wasn't sure what to expect once they got to the apartment. He was glad that they were able to keep himself occupied in the empty place. He was so afraid that Moo would be bored, but he was glad that the other man was enjoying himself.

It wouldn't be for a few more days that his furniture would get here, but tomorrow was a new day, Brian and Brock would be able to go around LA, see the sights, and do some other fun things together. Brian wanted to make Brock's time here in LA worth while, and he swore that he would. At least until all of his stuff got to the new apartment so they wouldn't be bored all the time and actually have stuff to do in the apartment.

The two boys played games until they were yawning so much, tears were coming from their eyes. Brock couldn't contain his laughter as he and Brian yawned back and forth for what felt like the millionth time that evening. It was too funny. "Stop!" He barely managed to get out. "My stomach hurts!" He yelled as another yawn traveled through his body. He wiped his dark eyes and they found Brian who was merely sitting with a crooked smile on his face. There was so much laughter, again, the two were like children at a slumber party... Fighting sleep and playing with one another.

"Time for bed?" He chuckled.

Brock nodded, "You read my mind."

Brian stood up, "I... Uh, hope you don't mind sharing." He got out as he rubbed the back of his neck a bit uncomfortably. He only had one air mattress, and he didn't want he or Brock to be stuck sleeping on the floor. Of course, they were close, they had been best friends for a really long time, so hopefully the older man wouldn't mind sharing a bed with him. However, mentally Terroriser was cursing himself; why hadn't he packed two mattresses? What if he was making Moo uncomfortable? When he was planning for this trip, none of those thoughts ever crossed his mind. "Unless you want the floor, but it's pretty uncomfortable so I wouldn't..." He rambled, unable to make his eyes meet Brock who was now standing in front of him twiddling his thumbs.

The older man could feel his face begin to heat up, but he quickly was able to stop it before Brian noticed. "No, that's alright." The same bed? Was Brock dreaming? He'd only ever had fantasies of this since the moment he'd met the Irishman.

"You sure?" Brian asked, raising a brow.

"Yeah." He then watched as his Irish friend moved the air bed to the middle of the living room floor, and began to make it, spreading sheets and blankets about. He chucked a pillow at Brock's head, but luckily the older man caught it. Blankets were shared and soon enough both of them were content and laying beside each other on the mattress. It wasn't too big, so they didn't have much room between each other, but if both of them were being honest with themselves, they didn't mind. The two could feel each other's breaths and heatbeats, it was comforting, homey. They laid on their backs, staring up at the white ceiling, words not necessary, but the silence in this moment was deafening. Brock spoke, "You know you're gonna have to give me another tour of this place, right? Once all your stuff is here." He smiled before turning his head slightly and looking at Brian.

It was the only damn stupid thing he could think of to say and he mentally kicked himself for not being more smooth. Why was he cursed with his awkwardness and shy temperament? Why couldn't he be blessed with charm like Brian? It was discouraging - Brock was sure that Terroriser would never fall in love with someone like him. And even if he did, he was sure it wouldn't last. The pessimistic thoughts haunted Moo, but he tried to shake them and focus on Brian, his best friend, his rock.

His eyes were too blue, too true, and Brock had to look away just as soon as he made eye contact with the Irishman. Electricity pulsed through his veins, and he realized the entirety of the situation. _He was sharing a bed with Brian. _The man was literally right next to him, and he didn't know why, but the concept had seemed unreachable to him; maybe it was because of the fact that he never envisioned it happening. And even if it was just platonically, he didn't care, he would take whatever he could get.

"Yeah, I know." He replied. "Lucky for you, I'm a damn good tour guide."

Brock laughed, "I'm sure you are."

Brian found himself smiling again; his heart was happy. "I'm so glad you're here." He admitted. Out loud, he'd never say that he was lonely, but there was just something about talking in person instead over a phone or a headset. He liked seeing Moo in the flesh, he was big, soft... His skin the lightest shade of pink... Beautiful, breathtaking.

At that statement, Brock couldn't help but to grin. "Really?"

"Of course." Terroriser replied and he chuckled as the older man let out another huge yawn. "Let's get some rest. Goodnight Brocky."

"Night Brian." He sighed, before turning over and attempting to sleep. It wasn't particularly late, but he was tired, however, sleep was oh most definitely not coming tonight. And maybe it was the fact that the man he was in love with was laying right next to him. He could feel the warmth of his body, hear his gentle breaths with the occasional snore or two. Right there, Brock concluded that he was happy. It didn't matter if he was with Brian or not. They were together, they were spending time with each other, and that was all that mattered, right? However, he knew as long as he was in love with him, it would never be enough. Being just friends, would never be enough. The hunger for more would always be there, lingering inside of him, but he knew that Brian didn't want him in the same way that he did.


	6. But I Plant My Feet

When morning finally made itself present, Brian was the first one to wake up. Most nights he found himself unable to sleep and waking up in the wee hours of the morning. He stretched his stiff muscles, letting his newly opened, crystal blue eyes adjust to the protruding sunlight. It was practically blinding since he hadn't had a chance to hang up curtains in the apartment yet. He rubbed the sleep from them and sat up gently, careful not to stir the sleeping log of a man next to him. The airbed hadn't been as comfortable as he first thought and because of that, his back and neck were pretty sore. He couldn't wait until his damn furniture finally got here so he wouldn't feel so uncomfortable and out of place as he did. He wanted his guest to be able to feel at home too.

A light snore brought the Irishman out of his thoughts immediately, and a smile instantly surfaced on his face. Yesterday was real, not a dream. That's right, Brock was in LA with him after all, and because of that, he didn't feel so alone in his empty apartment. It felt closer to home with Brock here with him, and he was thankful for that. The older man was still fast asleep, soft snores emerging from his lips every now and again, and Brian couldn't help but to stifle a chuckle. Who knew Brock sounded so cute while he snored? His head was buried in the pillow, eyes pressed shut, and his lips slightly parted as he breathed in and out ever so gently. He was so vulnerable and Brian couldn't help but to notice the intimacy of the situation.

The younger man sighed as he observed Brock. Was it weird to be watching him like this? Did _friends _watch each other sleep? Brian pushed that thought out of his head immediately. Sure, he had a bit of an inclination that Brock was interested in him in a more than a friend way, but he chose to ignore it. They were close friends, that was it. And whatever feelings that Brian reciprocated towards the older man, he often swallowed them down, didn't let them surface, and he knew deep down it was better off that way. He and Brock would stay close friends, and that was it. He didn't want to mess things up by doing something stupid, and he was so sure that Brock knew that as well. Didn't he? Only time would tell, so Brian chose to leave it at that for now. Plus, he couldn't have feelings for Brock, couldn't let himself succumb to that, not when things were already going so well for him.

Hell, his parents would never allow it anyway. The Irishman knew that if he ever expressed more than platonic feelings for another man, they would probably disown them. Because of that, Brian's love life had always been a secret. And he grew up having to hear his mother nag and nag about him never bringing pretty girls home. It was no wonder they took this situation into their own hands. Brian knew deep down he probably could have handled it better.

Brock still looked so tired even thought they had slept all night. The flight to LA really must have drained him, but of course it would have. He wasn't used to traveling like that, like Terroriser was. The Irishman decided right then and there that he would let Brock sleep for as long as he needed to, so he pulled out his phone to find something to distract himself while his friend slept. He had a few texts from the guys, one from Evan asking him if he and Brock wanted to have dinner tonight. Of course he wouldn't decline the asian man's offer, so he gladly accepted. After that, he messed around on twitter, until a voice stopped him from his activities. "Good morning." Brock's voice was groggy, his throat a little scratchy when he woke. "Have you been awake long?" He asked a little apologetically as he too, sat up and stretched his muscles, rubbing the sleep from his dark eyes. His body was sore from the cheap bed as well. But, he couldn't complain. After all, he did get to sleep next to the man he had a huge crush on.

"No." Brian shook his head. "I just wanted to let you sleep, you looked tired." He explained.

"Thank you." Moo replied, smiling slightly. "Nice bedhead by the way." He pointed up to the younger man's mess of hair. It was almost funny seeing him all bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning. Brock wasn't used to that.

Terroriser rolled his eyes, "Shut up."

"No really, it's-"

"Brock." Brian turned giving him a look. "What's with you and the hair jokes? Geez," He trailed off with a grin.

"I can't help it, I like messing with you." He shrugged, smiling.

"You're lucky I can take it." They hadn't moved from their places on the air mattress, and suddenly the Irishman noticed how close they were sitting together; he could smell the slight freshness of Moo's breath. It made him nervous. He tried desperately not to think about it...

"So...? What's on the agenda today?" Brock inquired, looking over at his best friend with curious eyes. It was his first day in LA with Brian, and he wanted to make it memorable. They definitely had to get out of this empty apartment and do something fun before Brian's stuff came and they'd be busy unpacking and moving furniture together. Not that Brock minded doing that, he just wanted to make some other memories with Brian as well, spend time with him in a different setting. In fact, if he were being honest with himself, he never wanted the younger man out of his sight.

Terroriser would be lying if he said he didn't have everything planned out. He knew exactly all the places he wanted to take the older man immediately. He was very hype to say the least; he wanted to impress Brock. "Well..." Brian drawled. "Breakfast, sightseeing of course, maybe the beach, and then we've got dinner with Evan for later tonight." He explained, rambling on about all the different places he and Moo could go. Sightseeing was a must, there was so much stuff in LA, so many things to explore and do; it was always hard to catch it all in one go. And the beach was the perfect plan and idea for the two to pass the time until they were ready to go meet Evan. Hell, Brian didn't want Brock to spend all of his time in the empty apartment dying of boredom. He wanted Brock to have fun in LA, wanted the man to experience different stuff, and what better way to do that than the beach?

Brock nodded, "Sounds good. We should get the day started then, yeah?" However, he didn't care either way; he'd lay in this stupid air bed with the man he loved all day if it were up to him. Curse these damn thoughts. He stretched once more, hoping it would help alleviate some of the awkwardness between the two. It was as if the they were doing the tango - back and forth with their feelings, the dance that was dreaded still after all this time. It was a mess.

"After you." Brian gestured, extending his arm. He then watched with careful yet hesitant eyes as Moo climbed out of the small bed. He stood and worked his muscles again, his shirt rising up in the process. The hem lingered around his belly button and Terroriser felt himself unable to look away. Fuck. Brock was attractive. This was going to be a lot harder than he originally thought...

"Let's do this." So after the two got cleaned up and dressed and prepared for the day, they headed to some small, quaint and cozy café for breakfast. They had small things like crepes and muffins and different breakfast sandwiches. From there they headed to a store to pick up some essentials needed for the beach. Things like towels and swimming trunks and sunscreen.

"Gotta protect that Irish skin, eh?" Brian joked, nudging the older man with his elbow.

"I burn easily too." Brock shared nonchalantly as he and the younger man began their way to the sandy shore. It was a hot day in LA, not a cloud in the sky, the sun pestering down on the city with fever. It seemed as if it was the perfect day to be in the water. And the ride there didn't take long, both of the men keeping themselves occupied with small talk and banter. It seemed as though these small conversations with Brock would never get old, and Brian was glad for that. He was glad he and Moo were able to keep going, switching from one topic to another with ease. Maybe just maybe, that's why they were best friends in the first place. The older man was already enjoying his time in LA, and it was only the second day. The chemistry they had was undeniable.

When they arrived to the beach, they changed in the nearby restrooms and applied a generous amount of sunscreen to their bodies. Dealing with a sunburn was no fun at all. "Race you to the water!" Brian yelled and he took off running with Brock not far behind him. The sand was hot on their toes, but it was soon relieved when they touched the wet shore. "I win!" The Irishman gloated as he turned around to smirk at his friend.

"You got lucky." Brock rolled his eyes as he pushed the taller man into the deeper water. He fell with a big splash, liquid shooting into the air. Even if Brian was faster than him, he was still stronger, and he was going to keep it that way. The younger man came up gasping for breath and the only thing Brock could do was smile at him. He couldn't keep his eyes off his best friend while he was in the ocean. However, it was a cool distraction from the LA heat, but he was distracted by him in other ways as well. He could tell Brian had been working out since their time away from each other. He didn't say anything about it though, because he knew it would only make things awkward between them. Of course he was attracted to him, that was a given, and all these thoughts only made his prominent feelings for the Irishman come to the front of his mind. So he merely kept his mouth shut and waded to the shore with Brian following close behind him.

They settled in the sand, their feet barely touching the incoming waves, "You haven't been to LA that much, have you?" Brian inquired. His eyebrow cocked, pupils squinted due to the sun shining. The drops of the ocean trickled down Moo's arms and the younger man couldn't look away even if he wanted to. He didn't.

The older man shook his head, "Only for a few conventions. I try not to come here if I don't need to." He explained. It's not that he didn't like what LA had to offer, it was just that the city was not for him. He enjoyed his quiet life. It wasn't something that he was used to, the noise, so to speak; so he'd rather not come out of his comfort zone if need be. But for Brian, he'd come to LA a million times if the man asked him to. He would do anything for Terroriser. He assumed that was only because of his feelings for the younger man, or maybe it was the fact that they were best friends, and that's just what best friends did for each other. He knew that Brian would do the same for him as well if he asked.

"Did you not want to come?" He pulled him out of his thoughts for a moment. God, he hoped Moo wasn't here against his will.

"I'm here, aren't I?" He retorted, looking over. "For you... And I'm glad you invited me. Today has been a lot of fun." He admitted.

Brian sighed, tilting his head back, absorbing the sun. "At least we're only a state away from each other now, and not an ocean." It came out sounding more sentimental than he wanted it to, but it was just the pair of them, on the beach, alone. It felt right. It felt raw.

His skin glittered from the water and the sunlight, "Hey Brian?" Brock asked, letting the words tumble out of his mouth before he could even register what he was saying. _Not now, _he mentally scolded himself. _You can't confess now. _Brian turned to look at him, a questioning look in his eyes as if he knew what Brock was going to say already. The older man sighed, and wracked his brain for something to use as a diversion, anything but the words he'd been dreading for quite some time now. "We should get ready for dinner, don't you think?" His face fell, and he knew right then and there that he wasn't going to be able to confess during this trip. It was too much, and he didn't want to face the rejection that was bound to come. He didn't want to ruin their friendship.

Brian frowned, wondering just what that was all about. Finding his phone buried in the sand, he used it to look at the time, "I guess you're right... Let's go then."


	7. And I Clench My Teeth

Meanwhile, as the two men were getting cleaned up from the beach, Evan had been waiting at the small restaurant like bar with Syndicate, anticipating Brian and Brock's arrival. He had decided to bring Tom along at the last minute, because he honestly didn't want to be a third wheel between his visiting friends. Not that he minded, he just knew that with Tom, things would be less awkward, and Brock would be thanking him for that in the long run. More people meant more conversations and less silences between them. And Tom never shut up. Plus, who didn't like going out for dinner and a few drinks? Tonight would be a good night, he was sure of it, and maybe just maybe, he'd be able to talk some sense into Brock about finally confessing his feelings. He wanted his friend to be happy.

Brian and Brock's cab was just around the corner, but the LA traffic was at its peak again, typical for a friday night. It was warm out still, the air moist with humidity, and the two boys chattered away in the backseat. Brock however, couldn't stop thinking about how he almost let his feelings spill out at the beach earlier. God, he wanted to tell him so bad, he just wanted to get it off his chest, be done and over with it, but he knew he could never. He was too shy, too nervous, too anxious; his guts would wind and wind and wind until he felt like he was going to be sick... And only Brian did that to him. It was a feeling he was sure he would never really get used to.

"Something on your mind, Brocky?" There it was, that damn tone of voice and cheeky fucking smile. Terroriser always knew how to read him.

Brock swallowed the growing lump in his throat, "Just thinking about the food." He lied, giving a small nonchalant grin.

"God, I know, I'm starving." Brian replied, hand instinctively going to his stomach as if to prove his point.

"Good thing we're almost there." Moo answered before mentally kicking himself. Why did he have to be so damn stupid? The older man sighed, and his gaze averted to the window. Why did he do this to himself? He knew it would be like this when he got here, he knew it would be like this when he spent time with Brian... So why did he let him bring him down so much? Internally, he was thinking that the Irishman would have to catch on sooner or later, but in all actuality, he knew the he was quite oblivious to most things. This particular thing wouldn't be any different.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" He asked once more. Okay, so maybe he was catching on, or maybe, Terroriser was just trying to be a good _friend._

"Bri, I'm fine, really." Brock insisted. He just wanted him to drop it, he wanted them to have a good time together.

After sitting in traffic for another ten minutes, the two boys just decided to walk the rest of the way to the restaurant. It was only right around the corner, and Brian didn't want Evan to wait for he and Brock any longer. Hell, he had already received a few texts from the asian man. So they walked beside each other, content in the moonlight, until the restaurant came into view. The younger man opened the door, allowing Moo to head inside first, and they immediately saw Evan and Tom at a small table in the corner. He took the lead and the older man shuffled behind him. "Sorry we're late." He apologized as they took their seats. "Traffic really is a bitch."

"Yeah well," Evan grinned. "That's something you gotta get used to since you live in LA now."

Brian chuckled, "Looks like I won't be leaving the house much then." He glanced up at Vanoss on the other side of the table. "You didn't tell me you were bringing Tom." He added as he looked up and saw Syndicate with his vlogging camera. "No offense Tom, you know I love you." It had been a while since he'd seen the small man, so it would be good to catch up with him. Hell, Brian had almost forgotten that he lived in LA.

The mousy man quickly laughed, "My buds are in town- definitely need it for the vlog." He chuckled, zooming in on Terroriser's face. "So what do you think so far?"

"Of LA?"

"Sure," The brit replied.

Terroriser sighed in thought, "You know, it's definitely going to be an adventure..." He smiled before glancing over at Brock.

"I like that, deep, inspirational..."

Moo laughed before grabbing a drink menu, "I'm glad you came, Tom."

"I figured he'd want to hang out." Evan shrugged, picking up the menu and letting his eyes scan it. "Let's eat!" Now that Brian and Brock were here, they'd be able to finally order their food. It wasn't long before the group had decided what they wanted and were left to their conversations. Terroriser found himself not paying attention to anyone other than Brock. He was trying to read his energy, pick up on why he had been acting so strange earlier in the day.

Moo was reading his menu carefully when the Irishman had nudged him in the side to get his attention. "Know what you're gonna order?" He could feel the warmth from his body, it made his skin tingle a bit.

"I think so..." The older man replied, but in all honestly, he just wanted a drink. Tom didn't know Brock and Brian's situation; Evan was a good friend, and he wasn't going to let Brock's secrets out there like that. He merely kept Syndicate on a need to know basis, and the only thing that he knew was that the two men had a thing for each other, a thing that both of them were completely oblivious to. And Tom had promised not to say anything or make things awkward at dinner, and Evan was thankful for that.

"How have you been, Brock?" The asian asked, dark eyes going across the table once more. It had also been long time since those two had seen each other in person.

"I've been okay." Brock answered honestly, "It's really good to see you guys again."

"Yeah Moo, I've noticed you don't get out to LA as much as you should." Tom chimed in.

Brock shrugged, "I'm just here to help Brian move."

Brian rolled his eyes, "Give yourself some credit Brocky, geez." At the mention of that nickname, Evan had to stifle whatever was about to come up his throat. _Brocky? Really? _He had no idea that Terroriser called the older man that nickname outside of the videos they made together. "Brock is my best friend, he's not just helping me move in, we haven't seen each other in while... A visit was a must." Brian continued as Vanoss and Syndicate watched him speak. They ordered their food after that, small talking about life, youtube, and future projects. It was nice to catch up to one another. And Moo was thankful that it wasn't awkward between them, and he was glad that Vanoss wasn't hinting at anything or trying to play matchmaker with Tom. He knew his friends and he knew them well.

"Alright, who wants a drink?" Tom offered, standing up from the table. "Everyone? Good, Brian come help me get the drinks." He said and began to walk away from the table.

"What, why me?" He called after him in a whine but received no answer, Tom was already at the bar. Brian stood up, following the smaller man, hoping that when they came back to the table, their food would be there. He was hungry. The restaurant was busy, but again, that was typical for a friday night. But a drink sounded like a god send right now, and after a long day like today, he definitely needed one. It would help him relax, unwind... And maybe just maybe, if Brock got enough alcohol in him, he would finally admit what had been bothering him earlier. It was something for sure... Brian wasn't stupid, but then again, Brock wasn't a big drinker.

Back at the table, Evan was beginning to make conversation with Moo. "So, what did you guys do today?" He inquired.

"We got breakfast when we woke up, and went to the beach." He answered in reply. "It was a lot of fun." He admitted.

"He's happier when he's around you, you know that?" Evan pointed out.

"I suppose so." The older man replied, dark eyes finding Brian who was standing at the bar with Tom. He had gotten some sun at the beach today, his cheeks were slightly tinted, pink coloring them, but Brock thought he looked adorable in that way. He was talking excitedly with Syndicate, his crystal eyes sparkling in the dim light of the restaurant. A pang of something made its way through Brock's chest, zapping him in the heart almost, and he wished for the umpteenth time that'd he been in LA that he could just come out and confess to the younger man. "I almost told him today." He revealed as he turned his head to look back at Evan. "By accident, at the beach."

"Why didn't you?" Evan asked.

The older man shook his head, "It's not the right time." With that, Tom and Brian had returned to the table with a few alcoholic beverages in hand, and the waiter brought their platter of food as well. They ate, and laughed, and told jokes and overall just had a good time with each other. The company was friendly, the company made Brock forget for a little while that he was madly in love with his best friend who didn't feel the same way about him. It was all about distractions, and dinner with Tom and Vanoss was a very great one. However, he knew later tonight, when he and Brian were alone, the pain would come back and hurt worse than ever. The agony would be too real. And he wondered right then and there why he even put up with it.

When dinner was over, they ordered dessert as well, and it was getting late. All of the men, surprisingly handling their alcohol well, were getting ready to head home. Brock and Brian had been waiting for another cab, liquor on their breaths and slight slurring in their speech. They weren't drunk, just a little tipsy. Tom and Evan were just going to take the british man's car to get home, but they were waiting for the other two men to leave first, to make sure they got in their cab okay.

"Thanks for dinner, Evan." Brian said, "And it was good seeing you again Tom." He added as they started their walk out of the restaurant door.

"You too Brian." Syndicate smiled. "And don't be a stranger Brock." He aimed just camera at his two buzzed friends and gave a lazy smile.

"I won't." Moo replied.

"See you guys later." Evan waved as he watched his two friends leave the restaurant and get into the cab. They'd be going back to Brian's apartment and hopefully going to bed. And it was quiet between Tom and Evan as they paid the bill and shuffled into Tom's car. The parking lot of the restaurant was packed, and they knew it would be awhile before they got home. "That went well, don't you think?" Vanoss asked, attempting to make conversation. He had noticed that ever since Brian and Tom came back from the bar with the drinks, Tom looked as though he had something on his mind. Or he was just being very unusually quiet.

"Yeah," He nodded. "Thanks for inviting me." He added in response. It was quiet for a few moments before he spoke again, "Keep an eye on Brock, yeah?"

Evan let out a small laugh, "For what? Did something happen with you guys at the bar?"

A sigh, and a look that made Evan question everything all escaped from Tom. "Brian has a girlfriend."


	8. Can't Outrun What's Coming to Me

The news struck him in the chest like a ton of bricks. "A girlfriend?" Evan's eyebrows were scrunched together on his forehead, the look of confusion covering his face completely. Brian had never spoke of a girlfriend, hell, Evan and the guys didn't even know that he was romantically inclined towards someone. And now to be hearing it from Tom of all people in this moment, made his heart ache for Brock. Because if the other guys didn't know, then there was no way that Brock knew about it. He would be heartbroken for sure, when he eventually found out. Evan was in awe, shock, and he didn't know what to say, didn't know if he should intervene or not. Really, it was none of his business, but he wanted to look out for his friends. If Moo ended up getting hurt it would be partly his fault.

"You guys didn't know?" Tom questioned.

"Are you sure? Evan retorted, as Syndicate finally pulled out of the restaurant parking lot.

The brit chuckled a bit at the sudden question, "Yes, Evan, I'm sure... He was talking about having his girlfriend come visit after Brock went home up at the bar." Tom explained as he began the drive back to Evan's apartment to drop him off. "I can't believe you guys didn't know, I can't believe he told me of all people." He rambled on as he drove, the asian man still sitting in the passenger seat in shock.

"Shit... We have to tell Brock, I have to tell him." He was frantic, and he could only imagine how Brock would take the news of Terroriser already being in a relationship with someone else. He had had his sights set on Brian for a really long time, they had been close for a really long time. They were best friends for god's sake. Why wouldn't Brian share that kind of information with his best friend? It only made Evan more confused as he sat there in the car and tried to work out all this information in his head. Maybe it would be best if he _didn't_ try to work it out. But hell, he was so damn curious. And he really wanted to know why Brian had been keeping his relationship a secret... Maybe it was because he had feelings for Moo all along. But Evan knew he couldn't make assumptions like that, not until he knew everything.

"I wouldn't." Tom replied. "It's not your responsibility. If Brian wanted Brock to know, he would have told him already."

"I know... But Brock is my friend." He said, "I can't just watch him get his heart broke."

Tom sighed, "Evan, listen to me. The only thing you can do is be there for him after it happens." He gave good advice, and Vanoss listened intently to take the words to heart. Tom was right; it wasn't Evan's responsibility to keep his friends happy, it wasn't his responsibility to play matchmaker for them. The only thing he could do was sit back and let it all play out, let whatever the hell was going to happen take its course. And albeit, it wouldn't be pretty, he knew that it was his only option. "Do you think you can do that?" Tom asked.

He hesitated, but nodded. "You're right Tom. Thank you."

Meanwhile, Brian and Brock's cab had just arrived back at the apartment, the feeling of the alcohol they had drank at dinner still settling deep within their bones and bellies. Dinner had went well, and both of them had thought so. But now they were alone, and that daunting feeling was coming back to tease Brock with everything it had. He tried to tune it out, but it didn't work, it never worked. The Irishman fumbled with the keys in his hands, struggling to get the front door to the apartment open. Brock watched on and tried not to laugh, Brian was never that well at handling his liquor. Few words were exchanged as they managed to get inside, exhausted from the long day.

"Tired?"

"Yeah."

Both of them were just ready for bed. Brock helped Brian spread the sheets over the air mattress, making the bed, before they laid down beside each other, staring up at the ceiling like the night before. The only sounds were their gentle breaths, which reeked of beer, and the occasional sound of a cicada outside the cracked window. There was no conversation, no banter, only silence. It felt strange that the alcohol was keeping them quiet.

The older man rolled over, facing Brian in the dark room, studying him as he laid there. His cheeks were prominently red now, the sun staining them at the beach earlier today, and his hair was a disheveled, loving mess; falling in front of his forehead ever so slightly. He was beautiful, and if it were even possible, Moo found himself falling harder and deeper in love with him. "I had fun today." His voice was quiet as he spoke. "I usually don't get to go to the beach." The moment felt too vulnerable, too exposed as the two men laid beside each other.

Brian grinned, turning his head slightly so he could look at his best friend, "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Brocky."

"Furniture comes tomorrow, right?" The older man inquired, dark eyes wandering, swimming, in Brian's crystal blue ones. He dreaded it; because once he helped Brian move in, that meant he would have to head home. Of course, he remembered Terroriser saying something about how he could stay for as long as he wanted, but still, he didn't want to wear out his welcome, best friend or not. Maybe he would just break down and ask the Irishman if he could stay longer. It seemed like a good idea in that moment, but did he really want to keep torturing himself with Brian's unreciprocated affections? Brock didn't know.

The younger man nodded, "Yeah... We'll have a lot of work to do. I really do appreciate you coming to help me." He added as he stared on at Brock. He had to admit, for a guy, _he was pretty. _Soft skin, gentle eyes, and lips that were rosy. Was he attracted to Brock? He was pretty sure that Brock was attracted to him. What did they have going on here? The Irishman asked himself that question a lot; he had to. As many times as he gotten butterflies from talking to Brock, or thought about him in a more than platonic way, he had to question the predicament of their relationship. Friends? Best friends? Potential lovers? The feelings were all there, it was just acting on those feelings that didn't happen. Sometimes he wished it would. "You mean a lot to me Brock, you know that?" Brian continued, sighing.

"It's what friends do." Brock quietly replied, feeling bittersweet about the whole ordeal. Why did he feel like this while talking to Brian? Was it because he knew that deep down they would never be anything more than friends? Or was it because of the simple fact that no matter how much he advanced on the younger man, he would never do it back? Why couldn't they just get passed all of this nonsense, all of this avoiding, and just be happy together? Brock knew better though, he knew that love was never that easy; there were always some kind of games involved, something to hinder what could never be.

He yawned, "Aren't you tired?"

"A little." The older man answered. "You?"

"Hell yeah..." Brian trailed off, "And I can't believe I got fuckin' sunburnt." He cursed.

Brock stifled a laugh, "I didn't want to say anything, but your cheeks are pretty red." He chuckled.

"I know." Brian shook his head, "I can feel it."

"Don't worry," Brock teased, "You're still cute."

The Irishman let out a laugh, turning over in the bed so that he was completely facing the older man, "Yeah, but I feel like out of the two of us, you're definitely cuter." He grinned sweetly.

Moo could feel his face heating up, "You think?"

Brian nodded, "Oh for sure."

The older man laughed and smiled sarcastically, "That makes me feel pretty good."

Terroriser felt himself chuckle. "Go to bed Brock." He managed to get out, before another yawn attacked him. Sleepiness consumed them, and before they knew it, both of them were drifting in and out of consciousness until finally, Brian was the first one to drift off between the two. Brock could tell he was finally asleep by his loud snores, and surprisingly, he found them quite relaxing. They made the reality that he was actually there with the man he loved even more real. But even though Brock was tired, sleep wouldn't come. He found himself thinking too much, studying the lines on the ceiling, studying the details on Brian's face, pining, reveling, and recollecting. It made his heart hurt.

He hated this feeling... The tastelessness of unrequited love; close and yet so far away the whole time. What would he even do if Terroriser felt the same way? He had no clue, no clue because he was sure it would never happen... Not in a million, billion years.

An hour or so later, he was still wide awake, still tossing and turning on that tiny air bed, still questioning his future with Brian. He needed some air, because all at once he was too overwhelmed and he felt like he was going to puke. Brock threw the covers off him carefully, not wanting to wake up the sleeping Irishman beside him, and headed outside the front door. The night air in LA was cool, crisp, and he knew it was late, he knew he should be sleeping, so why wasn't he? He sat down on the front steps, resting his head on his hand, watching the late traffic go by. In just a few days, he'd be back in Utah, away from all of this, away from Brian. He couldn't believe that he had almost confessed at the beach earlier. He couldn't believe that he was _this_ close to letting his feelings out. What the hell was wrong with him?

The sound of the door opening brought Brock out of his thoughts, and he turned to face the man who was causing all of his inner turmoil. "Brian?" His voice was low in the night, and he watched with dark eyes as the younger man came to sit beside him on the step.

"I thought I felt you get out of bed," He trailed off quietly. "I woke up and you were gone." Brian said simply, his voice thick with the little amount of sleep that he had managed to get.

"Couldn't sleep." Brock replied.

"You should have said something..." Brian replied. "I would have stayed up with you." Their legs were touching, and it made goosebumps arise on his sun kissed flesh. Only Brock made him feel this way, only Brock could do this to him. And he was so confused as to why he felt this way about his best friend. He looked at him with his blue eyes, and found Brock staring back at him with innocent doe orbs. In that moment, Brian wanted to kiss him, but he knew he couldn't.


	9. A Glimmer of Hope

_"I can't believe you're making me do this!" Brian's voice echoed through the quaint house. "You can't tell me who to be with!" _

_His father clenched his fists angrily, "You'll do whatever I say, Brian, and that's that." _

_"Really? Are you serious? That's how you're going to be?"_

_His father furrowed his brows angrily, "I'm not talking about it anymore, Brian. It's done."_

They sat up all night on the front steps, talking about old times, memories, whatever popped into their mind and seemed to fit the subject matter of the moment. It was a comfortable exchange. It felt right, being here with one another. It didn't matter how tired they were, it didn't matter that the moving company was coming in the early morning hours either. The only thing that did matter was that they were in LA, together with each other, sharing these moments and making memories.

He hadn't wanted to admit it to himself, but after Brian had suppressed the urge to kiss Brock, sadness filled him for the rest of the night. Maybe he should have just kissed him... Regret was a feeling that he didn't feel often, but he felt it a lot when he was with his best friend in moments like this. What had gotten into them? These were some oh so strong feelings that Terroriser had never really felt before. It excited and terrified him at the same time. His head and heart were a jumble of emotions.

He didn't know why he had wanted to kiss him either. Or did he? Maybe it was the way he looked in the moonlight, maybe it was the way he was breathing softly through his wet, parted lips. Or maybe it was the simplicity of them just being alone together under the stars. It was the perfect setting, after all, but Brian still couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't make himself kiss Brock, because he knew it would mess everything he had going for himself up. They were friends, that was it. Nothing more, nothing less, and they could never be anything more. It was too complicated. It was a game of love roulette... He wished he could just accept his feelings for Moo and live a happy ever after, but things in life like that never happened. There was always something, or someone rather, holding him back.

He was a horrible person, he concluded, leading Brock on like this when he already had _someone_ he was invested in. Not by his choice, but he couldn't help it; Brock was Brock. Beautiful in every single way possible, and so so appealing. But he knew they could never be what he wanted them to be. It would change things forever. But with the way that the older man looked at him with such softness in his doe eyes, it was completely apparent he wanted the same thing. It made Brian's heart ache to know that he could never make Moo happy in that way. What was he doing? Did it make him a bad person to keep Brock around? He honestly didn't know. Confusion taunted him.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Brock's calm voice brought the younger man from his thoughts.

"Like yesterday." Brian answered in a heartbeat. "I knew right away we'd be close."

"You did?"

The Irishman grinned, "Of course."

Brock smiled in return, "Good to know." It was around four in the morning when they decided to head indoors. "It's late." Moo's thick voice infiltrated the humid night air and hung there for a while, breaking the peaceful silence between them. He had sleep in his eyes and his heart clearly imminent on his sleeve. He was tired to say the least, and Brian led him inside to the tiny blow up bed still in the middle of the living room. Tomorrow would be different, tomorrow he'd be sleeping in a bed, in his bedroom, and he didn't know if Brock would be with him tomorrow night.

There was something not right about the moment and Terroriser could sense it. He could always tell if the vibe was off, and he knew the older man was probably in his head. "Brock?" He spoke quietly.

"Hm?"

He hesitated before he finally got out what he wanted to say, or at least what he was trying to say. "You're my best friend, okay?" It was odd, hearing it said aloud. Both of them knew that, both of them knew of their friendship status, so why was Brian saying these things? Brock was curious if he was being completely honest with himself. But maybe it was just the night talking; that had to be it. It had to be the tiredness seeping through his pores. He was just talking just to be talking. But the older man listened nonetheless, hell, he would listen to every single word Brian had to say, hanging on to every single last syllable regardless of the message.

"Yeah, I know." He answered with a small chuckle. They crawled into bed together, Brock still confused as to what Brian was getting at, however they had been in and out of deep conversations all night, so this small sentence from him was no surprise. They got comfy in the bed, sharing the blankets and finding the right spot to lay in. The older man could barely keep his eyes open, he was so tired. He blinked them slowly, letting them droop as he continued to listen to his best friend's words.

Brian smiled, a small one, but it was noticeable. "Just whatever happens, I want you to the remember that, okay?" He inquired, looking at the older man through half lidded eyes. He wasn't trying to make excuses for his behavior, or avoid it... Deep down, he just wanted Brock to really know. He cared for him in the deepest way.

Brock laughed, the seriousness too much for him in this moment. "Jesus Brian, you're not dying, are you?" He let the chuckle slip through.

Brian scoffed, tears brimming his eyes as he tried his hardest to stifle a yawn that he'd been holding in for quite some time. "No," He got out through small bouts of soft laughter. "I'm not dying..." He trailed off. "I just want you to know that you're my best friend." He continued, turning over in the very small bed. He had to admit to himself, these few days in LA with Brock had been an amazing experience. He had grown closer to him, and despite all the lingering and overlapping feelings, he actually felt happy. He was grateful for this time with the older man.

"Okay." Brock nodded, finally not being able to keep his eyes open any longer. "I'm gonna go to sleep now." He managed to mumble out, a sigh escaping through his nose and he could practically feel Brian smiling beside him, he knew him that well. "Goodnight Bri." He yawned. They slept next to each other and Brock wanted to touch him; wanted to reach out and wrap his limbs around the Irishman's slender body and squeeze him tight. He wanted to breathe him in like his only source of oxygen. But, he knew he couldn't, and he knew he would probably never get to. So he went to sleep with the longing of those feelings in his heart, the gentle sounds of Brian's breath lulling him to sleep, and the rising and falling of his chest almost hypnotizing him.

The two didn't get to sleep long, because just as Brian had predicted, the moving company was knocking at the apartment door bright and early. He scrambled from the bed, jostling Brock in the process, but not waking him. Quickly, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and tried to smooth down his bed hair before answering the door. They were here to drop off his furniture and the rest of his personal belongings, and it would be he and Moo's job to get everything situated around the apartment. The Irishman signed for his stuff, and waited patiently as the movers brought it inside. Couches, beds, tables and desks filled the tiny living room space, as well as boxes packed full of Brian's miscellaneous stuff.

They were almost finished when Brock began to stir from his slumber. "Morning." Brian greeted as the older man sat up in the bed.

He stretched his stiff muscles before turning to Brian, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Relax." Brian shrugged it off, "I haven't done anything yet, they're just bringing my stuff in." Once all the furniture was moved inside, that's when Brian and Brock got to work. They began putting all the movables in the correct rooms, and putting away the younger man's belongings. It was a challenge to get the bed and dressers and desks upstairs, but the two were able to do it. They stopped often, taking breaks for refreshments or just to catch their breath. But so far, the apartment was coming along nicely, and it was starting to feel more like a home since it was no longer empty. "No more sleeping on the air bed." Brian grinned as he collapsed on his mattress after it had been moved upstairs.

Brock laughed and collapsed too, laying beside him in what seemed to look like a bed for a giant compared to the tiny air mattress. They were almost done with the renovations, and the day was nearly coming to a close right before their eyes. "You have a lot of stuff." He commented.

"Not by choice." The Irishman replied. "This apartment is huge compared to my old one. I had to get some stuff to take up the empty space."

"True." Brock replied.

"I have an idea." The younger man stated, before rolling over and propping himself up on his elbow so he could look at Brock. The older man nodded, as if giving him the signal to continue. "How about we call it a night, and go to the store. I'll cook dinner and we can just relax for the rest of the evening." He suggested, knowing that they were too tired to go out and do stuff in the busy LA city. Dinner and staying home sounded very enticing.

"You can cook?" Brock questioned, a grin blessing his face.

"Uh, somewhat." Brian replied with a chortle.

"Alright." The older man agreed. "Dinner, and I've been dying to kick your ass at some fifa." He said as he sat up with a beam of pure lightheartedness stretched across his pretty face. He was thankful that he wasn't going back to Utah tonight, hell, the thought of him going home at all seemed to be all forgotten in their moment of spontaneous plans. They got dressed immediately, and headed to the nearest store, ready to begin the night's imminent adventure.


	10. And We Try Staying Up Late

The trip to the market was impromptu, but it was fun nonetheless. By the time Brian and Brock had finished their grocery shopping, they had a cart full of miscellaneous items of food. But they weren't shopping for anything particular, so it was okay. As long as they got food, that was all that mattered in their little rendezvous. It was nearing nighttime, and the two were eager to get back to the apartment to start their night of rest and relaxation. The day's events of moving were beginning to take a toll on their bodies, and tiredness was beginning to surface if only slightly. As they stood in the line to check out, Brock gave a once over of all the stuff they bought in the cart, and let a chuckle seep through his plump lips. Brian gave a crooked smile and turned to look at his best friend, "What the fuck is so funny?" He inquired, raising a dark brow.

Moo shrugged, "I'm just wondering what in the world you're going to make for dinner with all this stuff." He got out. There were a lot of random items, no two things went together to make a fit meal, but hell, that was Brian. He wasn't organized, he wasn't a planner, and well, he probably couldn't even cook very well. But Brock didn't care, he just liked messing with the younger man to get him all riled up; it was kind of their thing, and it usually worked. Their friendship in a nutshell.

"We'll wing it." Terroriser said simply, smile never leaving his face. "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

The older man laughed again, "Oh god."

After checking out at the store, the two loaded their groceries into the cab, and headed home. Traffic surprisingly wasn't too bad, and they were able to get home rather quickly, which was good because both of them were hungry and tired. Their muscles aches from moving furniture. It indeed had been a long, yet productive day. They were glad they had accomplished what they did and that Brian's apartment was more livable now, cozier if you will.

Once home, they packed in their items of food, and stored them away in the kitchen. Brock watched with careful eyes as he sat at the new kitchen table, studying the Irishman's movements around the small kitchen as he prepared to cook. He grabbed items out of the fridge, cabinets, and began his work on their much anticipated dinner. "You see this Brocky?" He questioned, turning to look at the other man. "This is how a pro cooks dinner." He joked as he continued his work.

Terroriser was clumsy in his movements, spilling things slightly, making a mess as he went. It was quite the sight to see. Moo wasn't even going to comment until a sizzling sound filled the air. "It's boiling over." Brock replied plainly, pointing at the stove. The pan was overflowing with liquid.

"Fuck!" Brian cursed, spinning around to tend to the stove while the older man held in his laughter.

"A true professional." He joked as he rested his head on his hands, leaning on the table. Ever since then, Brian focused his full attention on the food, being careful not to burn it or let it boil over, again. And Brock just watched him, finding the whole ordeal rather entertaining if he had to admit it to himself. Brian truly was something else, a magnificent mess, and maybe that's why Brock enjoyed him so much in the first place. He was so comfortable in being himself, he let his nerdiness shine through, and the older man thoroughly appreciated the geniality of his best friend. "It does smell pretty good though." He commented, letting his dark eyes drift over Brian's body. Sure he was attractive, but he looked even better like this; tired with his hair messed up, barefoot and silly. It truly was something else, and Brock could only shake his head in what was perpetual sadness. How long could he keep up this facade?

When the food was finished, the two sat at the new kitchen table and ate with each other in the moment. It was nice, just the two of them, enjoying small conversation and jokes. Brock was skeptical about the Irishman's cooking at first, but nevertheless he gave it a shot. If he was being honest with himself, it wasn't the best, but it was the fact that Brian attempted to cook him dinner that absolutely warmed his heart. Internally he had such a gentleness about him that Brock seemed to adore. And once dinner was finished, they helped each other with the dishes and made sure the kitchen was clean before moving onto their next activity. Brock couldn't even help but to gush at the fact that they were so _domestic; _it hurt his brain to even think about it.

They hooked up the consoles in the living room on Brian's new television, and settled on the small couch with controllers in hand. This is what Brock had looked forward to most in coming to see Brian in LA; them playing video games together, because hell, there was no awkwardness, no weird feelings, and it was what they did best. It was how they came to be friends in the first place, and there was something about that. Laughter and Brian's screams filled the tiny space of the living room until the early morning hours, and despite the fact that they were hella tired from moving furniture all day, they stayed up anyway, enjoying the company of each other, just playing for the sake of playing together, not worrying about making a video. And unlike all the other games that Terroriser invested his time in, he actually was pretty good at fifa. Brock had to fight hard to keep the game close, but Brian still prevailed and won.

"Still undefeated." The Irishman teased.

"Just shut up and restart the game." Moo replied, pushing Brian over slightly, making him lean over. His hands burned where they touched his skin, but he tried to shake it off. What an odd feeling.

"You're being a sore loser!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yes you are!"

They played until the younger man had managed to win a few more times, and by then, it was incredibly late. The sun would damn near be coming up soon. Brock couldn't stop his yawns from escaping, and soon Brian was doing the same. The night had proved to go well to say the least. "I'm beat," The older man managed to get out, setting his controller aside.

Brian smiled, "That makes two of us, then."

Then, the question that had been haunting him all day finally came out. He was almost afraid to ask, but also afraid to assume. He didn't want to make things weird. "Where am I sleeping?" The older man questioned, and Brian only looked at him as if he had sprouted a second head or something along those lines. "What?" Brock continued, raising a thick eyebrow, wondering just what he was missing.

"With me of course." He answered simply in reply. "You think I would make you sleep on the couch Brocky?" He retorted, "Come on... I thought you knew me better than that." He said simply, standing up from the sofa, turning the game consoles off and setting the controllers up somewhere. Moo was too tired to argue with him, or at least that's what he was telling himself. Hell, he liked sleeping in a bed with Brian, he'd take advantage of it for as long as he was here in LA with him. So wordlessly, they made their way up the steps, and helped each other make the bed in the younger man's new room. Brock didn't think he would ever get tired of this, tired of Terroriser... It was all so nice and he was getting way to close for comfort. He knew it too.

"You know," He began. "I think LA is starting to grow on me." _Either that, or it's you. _They crawled into bed with one another and made themselves comfy.

"Glad to hear it." The Irishman grinned as he rolled over to look at his best friend. His crystal blue eyes seemed clear in the darkness of the room. The only light that was visible was from the moon through the window because Brian still hadn't bought curtains for it. They didn't mind though, the moonlight, that is. But it seemed as though both of them were walking on eggshells around each other, careful of what to say because of their feelings. However, Brian could almost read Brock's mind right there as they laid together in the big bed. "You don't have to go home just yet." The younger man got out. He knew Brock didn't want to leave, and he knew that he didn't want to be alone just yet in this new apartment. He wanted Brock to stay with him. He always wanted him to stay...

"What?"

"You could stay longer." He offered with such lightness in his voice, Brock wasn't sure if he was joking or not. The older man rolled over on his side, finding Brian's eyes so he could read them, see if he could tell what he really meant. They showed nothing but sincerity, and gentleness, and Brock knew that he was being completely serious. His smile then broadened, "We haven't even got to have any real fun here yet." He argued, as if trying to convince Moo. Which was true, there was so much stuff he wanted to take Brock to do, so much stuff he wanted him to experience before he went back home. "Stay, please, Brocky?" There it was, and Brock was weak in the knees and short of breath when he heard that plead leave his best friend's lips. He would do anything for Brian.

"Are you sure?" He inquired, glancing at him through his thick eyelashes.

"Of course."

He nodded, "Okay, I'll stay." Brock said, his voice softer than he intended it to be. "But only for a few more days." He added, mostly for himself rather than Brian. Hell, he didn't want the younger man to get sick of him, and he didn't want to overstay his welcome. But Brian was Brian, and Brock doubted that any of those things would even happen. They were so close, getting on each other's nerves wasn't even a thing with them anymore. And staying here in LA with him longer, well, he might just work up the courage to finally confess to the man he was inevitably in love with. "Goodnight Bri." He managed through a yawn.

"Night Brock." The Irishman replied sleepily. "We're gonna have a lot of fun tomorrow."


	11. Both Are Lightweights

Morning came faster than expected, sun shining through Brian's open windows, being more prominent due to the lack of blinds and curtains there. He could tell already that the weather was going to be fair in LA today, which was perfect for he and Brock's plans of fun. Terroriser had a lot of ideas, and he hoped the older man would enjoy himself. After all, he wanted Brock to get the most out of his time here in LA, and Brian loved spending time with him whenever they had the chance. Speaking of Brock, the older man was still fast asleep in the big bed. His breaths were soft, and his arms were long and outstretched towards Brian, who was now sitting up moving his stiff muscles. He had to admit, sleeping in the bed was a lot more comfortable than the air mattress. And having Moo in his bed too was definitely a plus.

The Irishman had to admit, being around his best friend like this did confuse him slightly. No doubt his feelings were growing, and being near Brock, seeing him, hearing his voice, just made him even more disoriented about this whole situation. Brock liked him, and he liked Brock, didn't he? That was something he hadn't truly asked himself yet. Did he genuinely have feelings for the older man? His mind flashed to the other night out on the front steps, where he wanted to kiss Brock... Friends didn't want to kiss their friends; his feelings were real. But again, what could he do when he was already with someone? He pushed it out of his mind once more, hoping it wouldn't resurface, but he knew he couldn't stay in denial about it forever.

Brian decided to let Brock sleep, as usual, and readied himself to take a shower and get the day started. He wanted to look good. When Brock, however, finally did manage to wake up, it was to the sounds of pots and pans being clanged together downstairs in the kitchen, presumably from Brian cooking breakfast. He left the messy bed, and rubbed the sleep out of his dark eyes before he headed downstairs where the smell of eggs filled his nose. And he was right; there was Brian at the stove, dancing around and humming to himself lightly, already dressed and ready for the day. "Having fun?" Brock inquired as he stepped into the kitchen.

The younger man turned around, spatula in hand and sporting a jovial grin. "Well good morning to you too." He greeted. "Sleep okay?" Moo looked cute with his hair all disheveled and out of sorts. One could tell he had definitely just woken up.

Brock nodded, "Fine." He sat down at the kitchen counter, watching as Brian continued to cook breakfast.

"So," Terroriser started. "After we eat, you can take a shower, get ready, and then we'll head out for the day. I hope you're ready to have some fun." He continued, finally serving the older man some food. He sat down beside him to eat as well, sharing some small conversation and what not. It was nice.

Once breakfast was finished, Brock took a shower and got dressed too; and the two were ready to head out. The first stop on their day of fun was the cinema. They were going to catch a morning movie together, and Brock had to admit, he didn't take Brian for the type of guy to enjoy the cinema as much as he did. But they sat in the back of the theatre, sharing popcorn and soda, laughing loudly until the movie was over. It was a good way to start the day. After the theatre they got back in their cab and headed to the next destination which was a small café to get lunch. The sun burned down in the LA sky, so the boys decided to eat outside at the restaurant, taking advantage of the nice weather. Once they ordered their food, all Brock could do was glare at Brian with a pointed look. "What?" The Irishman asked with a laugh.

Brock shook his head with a chuckle, "Are you planning on dragging me all over LA today?"

"No," Brian replied. "Only to a few places." He answered, smile never leaving his face. God, he loved being around Brock like this; it made his heart beat faster, his head swim with anticipation, nerves lingering there. "You're not gonna regret it, I promise. Today is going to be nothing but fun." He added, taking in the older man's dark eyes. He could look at them forever. After they ate their lunch, the next stop was a small arcade nearby. From there they played video games with each other, letting the competitiveness get the best of them. Brock hadn't been to an arcade in a long time, so he had to admit that being here with Brian was nice. And the whole time he couldn't take his eyes off the younger man. The way he laughed, his never ending all white smile, the way his blue eyes shone under the flashing lights of the arcade... It was all enough to send bolts of electricity through Brock's body.

"It's been a while since I've been to an arcade," Moo told him. He used to go as a teen when he had extra money, that's where his love of video games really bloomed.

The other man only grinned, "Does that mean you're having fun?"

Brock rolled his eyes, "Yes, I'm having fun." He wouldn't admit it to Terroriser out loud, but he had fun whenever he was with him. It didn't matter where they went, what they were doing, as long as Brian was there, Brock enjoyed himself, and that's how he felt about the situation now. He was spending the entire day with the Irishman, so it was going to be a good day no matter what.

"On to the next stop then." He grabbed Brock by the hand, oblivious to the older man's blush, and practically dragged him to the cab. His skin was nice, soft, despite the few callouses there. And the older man was nothing but a flustered mess on the cab ride to wherever the hell they were going. Brian had held his hand, and albeit had only been for a minute or two, it was still something nonetheless. The red in his cheeks never left, but at this point, he didn't care though, he was hoping Brian would notice, or hoping that he would say something. But of course he wouldn't, he was always so oblivious to everything, or so Brock thought he was.

When the cab turned the corner, Brock recognized the area as the beach they went to before. But instead of going to the beach, there was a nearby pier with a small carnival like thing sat up for the day. Leave it to Brian to bring him to a damn carnival. He turned to the younger man as the cab made its way to a stop, "You gonna win me a prize, Bri?" He inquired with a small laugh.

This time, it was Brian's turn to become flustered. "I mean, if you want, I can." He offered. They spent plenty of time at the carnival, eating fair food, riding the few rides that were there, and of course, playing the games. The sun was setting in the sky, and their long day of fun was finally winding down and coming to a close. By the time the carnival was ending, Brock had an armful of stuffed animals that he got stuck carrying around. He couldn't believe that Brian had won him all of this stuff. He tried to play it off as joking, but deep down, it meant something to him. They walked along the docks, extremely close to each other as pink and orange hues lit up the sky when the sun set. "There's going to be fireworks soon." Brian informed, pulling the older man out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?" Brock inquired, turning his head to look at his best friend. There was something about his tone of voice, it was smooth, intimate... Moo wanted to melt.

"You want to stay and watch them?"

"Okay." He nodded, and they continued to walk the dock until they got to the very end, and finally, they were alone. Brian sat down, letting his feet dangle off the edge, and he motioned for Brock to join him. The older man obliged to his request, sitting down and placing all of his stuffed animals beside him. The sky darkened with each passing moment, and the two sat in comfortable silence, legs dangerously close, hell their whole bodies dangerously close as they sat there beside each other. Brock cleared his throat, breaking the silence, "I really did have a lot of fun today... I'm glad I didn't go home yet." He said simply, unable to look over at the younger man.

"Me too." Brian answered, grinning. And for some reason, he felt _nervous. _He could feel butterflies attacking his already weak stomach, his fingers trembled with a feeling that he couldn't even describe. Was it Brock doing this to him? He glanced at the man out of the corner of his eye, and noticed the pink tint on his cheeks. Sunburn? Before he could think anything of it, the sky boomed and cracked with colors, the first firework of the night going off, pulling him out of his curious thoughts. Here in the dock, under the stars, with Brock, hell, he didn't want to be anywhere else.

And Brian was watching the fireworks, but Brock was watching him, purely fascinated with the blue of his eyes contrasting with the bright lights and the water of the ocean. A beautiful sight that he'd never seen before in his life. In that moment, he was tired of the tension, tired of the emotional stress, tired of all the suppressed feelings he had been keeping inside him all this time. He fucking loved Brian, so why couldn't he just love him and be happy? He was so angry at himself for being a coward, but right then and there, he decided to cower no more. Something, anything had to be done, and he didn't care of the outcome. The only thing Brock was focused on was the present moment itself, and that's how he knew he had to do what he had to do. "Brian?" He didn't like his voice when it came out, it sounded too frail, too unsure, but he was more sure of this than anything in the world right now.

The younger man turned his head to glance at Brock, "Hm?" And just like that, Brock went in for the kill. He smashed his lips against Brian's, heart hammering and about to come up his throat, but he kissed him. He couldn't believe he had actually gone and done it. Vanoss would be proud of him, hell, he was proud of himself. All the times he imagined what Brian's lips felt like, what they tasted like, this couldn't even compare to that; and Brian was kissing him back. Their lips brushed against each other's feverishly, each time was a little bit more softer, and each time Brian felt himself succumbing to the older man. This is what he wanted all along, this is what he needed. They lingered, foreheads touching, eyes half lidded, and Brock knew he should have felt embarrassed, but he didn't, not even in the slightest way.

Brock cupped his face, feeling Brian's stubble on his hands, "I'm sorry." He breathed out, breath hot against the Irishman's face. "I've wanted to do that for so long Brian, you have no idea." And he was so damn proud of himself for finally working up the courage to finally take hold and do something about his infatuation with his best friend. It was something out of this world.

The younger man pulled his lips into a small smile, "Don't apologize, I wanted it too."


	12. Close My Eyes Just Visualize

The bed felt smaller, the room felt smaller as Brock interlaced his fingers with Brian's. His nose was nestled in his hair, and he hummed in content. This is exactly where he wanted to be. The younger man's skin was soft, just like he imagined it to be, and there were no words to describe just what Brock was feeling right now. This was all he ever wanted out of this trip, and he was so happy that he got it. The bedroom was quiet until the older man finally decided to speak, "This means we're together, yeah?" His voice was quiet, unsure, as if he was afraid he was dreaming about all of this. That if he woke up, Brian would be far from reach, or at least they'd still only be friends; the kiss not having happened. Hell, he still couldn't believe it was real.

Terroriser sighed, his breath warm, "Of course, Brocky." But his heart ached inside, knowing that what he was doing was wrong. He couldn't lead two people on; not _her _or Brock. But he loved them both the same, or did he? Did he love Moo, his best friend? Was he in love with him? And did he love _her_? The one he was already with? These questions made his head hurt, laying here while his newfound partner held him. His chest ached with feverous anxiety, unsureness, guilt. Why couldn't he just tell Brock that he was in a relationship already? Why did it hurt him so much to think about that? But he knew the answer, he knew it was because he didn't want whatever this was to end.

_"You look nice." Brian_'_s father's voice was gruff_ _as he adjusted the buttons on his shirt. It was his first date with her and he was all but annoyed. He was being forced into it, his dad insisted, so he figured he would entertain the idea just to get it over with. Little did he know what the situation would turn into. "You have everything?" The rough voice brought him out of his thoughts._

_"Yeah." Brian answered nonchalantly before turning around. "Let's get this over with." He mumbled._

The cab ride home from the carnival sufficed of them talking about their feelings, finding that their infatuation for each other was mutual all along. They held hands the whole way home, all while exchanging a few kisses. But Terroriser knew he was fucking up, he knew in the long run, only bad things would come out of this. When the cab dropped them off back at the apartment, sleepiness overtook their tired bodies, and they made the bed and got settled in it. And now, here they were, mostly silence, the sound of their gentle breathing surrounding them, along with the moonlight from the open windows.

Brock hummed again, "That makes me happy."

"I know." Brian answered simply, tightening his vice grip on Moo's hands. The older man made him happy too. Why was he even debating this? Should there even be a question of who he wanted to be with? But he knew he couldn't tell Brock now, not when the older man was so happy, so at peace to finally get what he wanted, and not when all this had just started. He couldn't break his heart, or at least not yet, not when he didn't have a plan. Did that make him a terrible person? Selfish? Brian concluded that he was an asshole, why couldn't everything just fall into place? Be easy for him? Why did he have to choose between two people he _loved_? Pushing it all aside, he decided that now was not the time for his intruding thoughts. He would enjoy the company of Brock, his boyfriend, and worry about this conflict after he had gone back to Utah.

And so, with a heavy heart and after the older man beside him had fallen fast asleep, Terroriser finally let himself drift off as well. He thought about his father, about Brock, about her, and most importantly, he thought about himself and what kind of person he was exactly for doing this and putting himself and the people he cared about through this situation. It was hard, and inconclusive, and his head hurt when he eventually managed to fall into slumber. What the hell had he gotten himself into? It was a mess.

When morning finally came, Brock was surprised to see himself still wrapped around the younger man. He was sure yesterday wasn't real at all. But yes, here he was, snuggled against his _boyfriend,_ still in LA with him. He was warm, smooth, content in his arm as they laid there. It was at that moment, Moo wished that he had taken Vanoss' advice and confessed to Brian a lot sooner rather than later. Then he would have had more time with him, being together, like this. More time to revel in this happiness that he had never felt before. Brock watched him sleep until he finally stirred, moving around in the older man's arms, blinking, yawning, and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Good morning." The older man greeted, smile too white, too broad, and each time Brian looked at it, his heart seemed to falter even more.

"Morning." The Irishman replied, still sleepy. "You know, this isn't a bad way to wake up." He smiled, squeezing Brock's arms.

"I thought the same thing." The older man grinned.

"You're a good cuddler... And you don't even snore." Brian said sweetly.

Moo laughed, "I wish I could say the same. I had to listen to you all night." He jabbed at his partner, but it was all in good fun and all Terroriser could do was roll his eyes playfully.

"Want to get something for breakfast?" He suggested.

"Okay." Brock stayed with Brian in LA for another week, relishing the time they had together, but he knew he couldn't stay in LA forever. He had a job, a home, youtube he had to worry about and what not. He wished he could stay, but he knew he had to go. He booked a flight back to Utah, and the day creeped forward painfully slowly. The older man didn't want to leave, not LA, not Brian, especially not when things had been going so well. And Brian was sad to see him go too. It would be difficult and different now without his boyfriend. Of course, he was glad though, to have some alone time to sort out his thoughts, fix things. He needed to figure out just what he was going to do, and fast, before this all got out of their hands, and before too many hearts were broken.

The ride to the airport was eerily quiet, Brock's luggage resting between he and Brian in the back of the cab. The sadness of the situation finally taking a toll on them and settling within their bones. "I'm really going home, huh?" The older man finally managed to get out, "It doesn't feel right." A chuckle escaped him, but it didn't fit the mood of their situation. He was right, it felt strange to be leaving Brian after they had pretty much been inseparable. The cab ride dragged on forever, until they finally got through traffic, arriving at the crowded airport. But they walked to the airport hand in hand to Brock's departing flight gate, a melancholy feeling still lingering inside the two of them.

"Call me as soon as you get home, okay?" Brian said, his hands remaining on his boyfriend's, reluctant to let go; reluctant to let _him_ go, to let him get on that damned plane. But it was for the best, and it wasn't like Moo couldn't go home, he had a life to get back to, and Brian knew that. "We'll play together or skype or something." He insisted, "Maybe make a video."

"I will, promise." Brock agreed, before letting a sad smile grace his pretty features. "And remember, we're only a state away now. I'll come back soon." He was already thinking of his next trip and how much fun they would have. He couldn't wait.

"How soon?" Terroriser teased. "Tomorrow?" He grinned.

This time, it was the older man's turn to laugh and roll his eyes in response, something he always did to Brian. "Probably not tomorrow, but soon." He winked.

Another smile, "I'll be waiting," The Irishman said, before looking down at his phone for the time, his flight was about to leave. "You better go, your flight takes off soon." He continued, putting his phone back away, and grabbing the older man's hands once more, giving them a big squeeze. The softness of them still making him happy; he truly would never get tired of them.

"Yeah," Brock sighed. "I guess you're right."

"I'll see you soon, Brocky." He finally let go of his hands only to pull him in for a kiss that was short and sweet. Lips on lips, and Brock let his hands roam Brian's body one last time, feeling the soft flesh before pulling away out of breath. He was sure he'd never not love the younger man's kisses, or ever get tired of them. How would he go a whole month without them? Hopefully the time they were apart would go by faster than ever, so he could be reunited with his boyfriend in LA once more. In his head, he was already planning dates they could go on, things they could do with each other.

The older man picked up his luggage and turned to walk through the gate, "Bye Bri." He waved, and Brian merely watched with sad blue eyes as he made his way through the flight gate and on the plane. He stayed in the airport, at the window, watching the plane take off before it was out of sight. Brock was gone, finally going back home. The Irishman finally decided to head back home, start working on videos now that he was by himself, and maybe tonight, when he felt like it, go through all these confusing feelings he had. As soon as he walked out of the airport, his phone buzzed in his hand, and he chuckled at seeing it was a text from Brock. _I miss you already. :( _And Brian felt his heartbeat begin to stall.

He thumbed a reply while waiting for his cab, _you're fine, quit being a big baby about everything. (: you'll be back before you know it._

Meanwhile, Moo listened to music on his flight home, while sending Brian a few texts here and there. It was only a few hours long, but he was restless about it already. He knew after being with Terroriser for two weeks, he was going to be more lonely than ever when he arrived home, his house empty as always. Would long distance work between he and Brian? Would skype calls, texts, and playing together be enough to keep them sane? To keep them from missing each other? He surely hoped they would, or at least keep them preoccupied until the next visit. And after all of this had happened, after all of this was confirmed, Brock still couldn't believe that he had managed to end up with Brian, and he couldn't wait to tell Vanoss all about it when his plane landed back in Utah.


End file.
